Who doesn't love video games? To me, there's nothing better than unwinding with nothing but your video game system of choice, a television, some Bagel Bites and an ice-cold Zima. And there's nothing more satisfying, short of talking to a live female (or a particularly lively bot) than pulling off that perfect move. These are the top 15. Undoubtedly your personal faves will be different, but I definitely don't care. Let's get it.
15.) GTA Vice City, Samurai Sword – Now there are a lot of games that pull off the samurai sword a lot better. But this is the only one where you can stab little old ladies. And who among us hasn't wanted to shorten that bank line just a little bit? Especially Rob B. That guy hates senior citizens.
14.) Mortal Kombat, Scorpion's Spear – Finally, a game that combined my love of misspelling common words with my love of having a bunch of characters who quite obviously have the same stylist. Scorpy's Spear get's the nod here, for several reasons. One, it had a catchphrase (get over here!). Two, it was effective as hell. Three, Scorpion was cool as hell.
13.) Tecmo Super Bowl, Running– But this isn't any running. This is Bo Jackson running, which within the context of the game was akin to driving a car through a field full of cotton balls. According to wikipedia, players have racked up over a 1,000 yards in a single game with Bo. That's liquid nuts. (Hooray t-rex!)
12. ) Halo, Anything As You're Playing Me – Seriously, I suck at Halo.
11.) Any Arcade Game, The Douchebag – This isn't so much a move that's set in stone as a loose collection of antics. They can range from merely berating your opponent, to tickling, to a swift and decisive depantsing. Note that this requires a human opponent, because otherwise you just look crazy.
10.) Pokemon, Psychic – When I was a kid, before Pokemon Zirconium and Pikachu's Bathhouse Adventure, psychic pokemon were the best kind. And you better believe that when that screen got all wavy, they were laying the smack down. Eat that Snorlax!
9.) Tetris, Tetris – The only way to get a tetris is to build and build and wait for one of the tall skinny ones, which everybody knows are the best. Oh and they would tease and tantalize the little red harlots, would make you beg and squirm before they finally entered your willing hol- i mean, sports?
8.) Shaq-Fu, Kaori's Tail Whip Ok, so this move sucked, just like every other move in this game. But it's a video game with Shaquille O'Neal doing kung-fu. I had to give it some love.
7.) Tekken 3, Law's Rainbow Kick – My favorite character's favorite move. Can you say cheap? Even birds can say cheap.
6.) Marvel Vs. Capcom, Morrigan's Darkness Illusion– She was far from a main character, but she wore skimpy outfits and had this sick move. And there were two of her during this, which is as close to a threesome as anybody who played video games frequently enough to get what the hell I'm talking about is gonna get.
5.) Devil May Cry, Ebony and Ivory – When combined with his huge sword, these two lovely pistols (that never ran out of bullets) collectively gave gothnerds everywhere wood. And I'm not talking half-assed Cameron Diaz, “I guess she's better looking than the girls I know” wood, I'm talking “Nick Gaudio watching Brokeback Mountain with the sound off” wood.
4.) Final Fantasy VII, Knights of the Round – This move was basically your prize for wasting your adolescence mastering this massive game. It required training lots of Sesame Street rejects. It required leveling up characters. It required knowing where the hell to get it. Of course, I had the patience for none of those things, but now I can see it everyday thanks to the beauty of YouTube.
It loses something after the first hundred viewings.
3.) Street Fighter, Akuma's Shun Goku Satsu – During this move, Akuma glided towards the opponent, then the screen went all dark-like and all of a sudden he was grunting triumphantly over the unconscious figure of his dominated opponent. Is it any wonder that around my bedroom this move is known as “The Jailhouse”?
2.) Pac-Man, Ultimate Juke – This name is by no means official. What is official is the runningback-like move that little circle could put on those ghosties so he could get at those pills. I don't know what kind of drugs they were, but whatever they were, he couldn't get enough. And they made him see ghosts, and have a strong hankering for fruit.
1.) For number 1, I gotta go classic. You know what time it is.
Super Mario Brothers, Head Jump – I know as the series went on, he got new and better moves. But nothing quite captures the unpleasantness of having a swarthy Italian plumber jump on your head as much as seeing it repeatedly happen to hapless mushrooms and turtles. He was a man with no time for games. There was a princess to be saved, and if you were in his way, your head was begging for a legging.
Feel free to add your own!