There are steps every male needs to take in order to be considered a real man amongst his peers. Rites of passage that go well beyond arm pit hair, ball-dropping, and deuce-dropping. Tasks that involve grit, determination, ingenuity, perseverance, sheer muscle, and occasionally reckless abandon or maximum consumption of alcohol. This is a list of some of those things, in no specific order. Not every man will succeed, but then again, not every man is real.
1. Build a deck.
- Bonus if it's not rectangular.
- Bonus if you have shitty tools.
- Bonus if it's for in-laws.
"Man, this sucks…"
2. Help someone move.
- Bonus if it's someone you don't really know.
- Bonus if your friend tricked you into doing it.
- Bonus if you were paid in pizza and beer.
"So uhh… where's the party you said you were having? Oh… moving party…."
3. Build something you can ride on.
- Bonus if it's a go-kart/other small, motorized vehicle.
- Bonus if it's the only one of its kind.
- Bonus if it's an old car you paid less than $500 for.
"I bet this thing goes 300 miles an hour."
4. Make a fire that's taller than you.
- Bonus if it's for no reason at all.
- Bonus if the flames almost reach something above it and freak everyone out.
- Bonus if you can't put it out.
"Okay, we did it, now what?"
5. Dig a hole big enough to bury yourself in.
- Bonus if it hasn't rained in over a week.
- Bonus if it's raining while digging.
- Bonus if it's with a shovel less than 3 feet tall.
"I wish we would have had some shovels or some shit."
6. Sleep outside, not in a tent.
- Bonus if it's not by choice.
- Bonus if you're not drunk.
- Bonus if it's in the hole you dug.
"Just wherever is fine. Pillow? No thanks. Blanket? Meh."
7. Move a piano up stairs.
- Bonus if it hasn't been moved in 10 years or more.
- Bonus if you demolish half the house moving it.
- Bonus if no one actually plays the piano.
If only it was this easy.
8. Lay brick.
- Bonus if you got the brick from somewhere else and had to transport it yourself.
- Bonus if it's over 1,000 bricks.
- Bonus if you bust up your hands more than 3 times.
"Okay, the orcs totally can't breach this shit."
9. Clear timber.
- Bonus if it was after a tornado.
- Bonus if there were at least two chainsaws involved.
- Bonus if you use it to build a fire taller than you.
"Dude, fuck this."
10. Climb something high enough that the fall would kill you.
- Bonus if it's to get something you accidently put up there.
- Bonus if it involves a chainsaw.
- Bonus if you fall and live.
"I swear if that parrot up there doesn't stop talking shit, I'm going to… oh that's it!"
11. Run from an animal that could potentially kill you.
- Bonus if it was a bear.
- Bonus if it was more than one.
- Bonus if it weighs 5 times more than you.
Totally doesn't count.
12. Wake up somewhere you don't recognize.
- Bonus if you're naked.
- Bonus if you leave and still have no idea where you were.
- Bonus if it's been over a month and you still don't know where you were.
This photo needs no caption. It is the greatest photo that humankind has ever taken.