In life, it's generally accepted that math sucks, at least for everyone who's not a scientist, doctor, or mathematician. There have been numerous times when doing math has broken the will of a young adult, sucking the life out of him or her with every theorem or function involving numbers. Doing math is sort of like watching Beauty and the Beast… only Beauty and the Beast had nothing to do with math, so it's a Disney classic. Then again, there has to be some equation(s) out there that actually makes me smile instead of thinking about how never to look at a number again.

Even though knowing the quadratic formula won't be useful until a serial killer runs up to you and is all like, "TELL ME THE QUADRATIC FORMULA OR ELSE I'M GONNA MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF YOU," doesn't mean you can't find out a lot by using it in everyday life. Fortunately, there are some equations out there that don't conjure up bad memories of wetting yourself during a math test, and I've got them here!

Let's take a look at the wonderful (and useful) equations that make life a little more worth living.

  1. Man/2 = man tragically cut in half

  2. Man + too much power = Kanye West

  3. (1 bad movie + 1 decent movie) – 5 good movies + the entire Twilight series = Chinese movie torture

  4. Pretty woman + school-funded trip to an exotic location + alcohol = missing American

  5. Missing American girl + 4 months = what missing American girl?

  6. Corn syrup ? friendship between teenage girls

  7. Y equals "I don't give a shit about math"Man + woman = child

  8. Child + man + woman (bitchiness) = divorce

  9. Canada – healthcare = giant post-apocalyptic piece of land

  10. (Productive person + television) + Nutella = lazy human being

  11. Person who farted in public + public = manhunt

  12. Stupidity + YOLO = fatal accident

  13. 50-year-old who has never eaten candy + Skittles = Skittles-induced spontaneous combustion

  14. ASPCA commercial + somebody who's seen 100+ ASPCA commercials – sanity = dead body

  15. (Mother nature + period) x Earth = natural disaster

  16. Good taste in music + horrible person = hipster

  17. Hipster/2 = person thankfully cut in half

  18. (Wound + time) + (Samurai – forgiveness) = revenge = hit movie

  19. Alien + makeup + love = Oprah Winfrey

  20. Baked goods + weed = BAKED goods

  21. (Technology + accelerated development) + Earth X monkeys = planet of the apes

  22. Child + super strength = Hercules – empathy = MEGA ROBOT HERCULES

  23. (Giant lizard + Tokyo Bay) – Japan = lizard taking a bath

  24. (Bert + Ernie) x sex = What's really happening on Sesame Street ? Anal sex

  25. Family photo + middle finger = meme

  26. Stupid person + thinking cap = kid with cool hat

  27. (Really lucky person x 5) + Russian roulette = failed suicide attempts

  28. Earth = America = The Hunger Games

  29. Human + radiation = superhuman

  30. Food + radiation = superfood

  31. Superfood + human = human being eaten alive

  32. Pop x corn = delicious

  33. Pop – corn = gunshot wound

  34. Gunshot x 50 = 50 Cent

  35. 50 Cent – life = Tupac or Biggie Smalls

  36. Love + douche + average guy – hot girl = standard gay couple

  37. Math teacher + Jesus Freak = fight to the death

  38. Person + immortality – high IQ = that girl you wish would just die already

  39. Man putting a ring on it + woman – free will = how hit songs and forced marriages are made

  40. Cookie Monster – radiation = regular monster

  41. College + magic + evil = Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry = my future school

  42. Feminist – lesbian qualities + nice body = stripper

  43. Prostitute – prostitution laws = business owner

  44. Facebook – knowledge = face

  45. Attractive person + thick rimmed glasses – anyone who really cares = person who is in no way nerdy
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Megan Broussard
April 29, 2019

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