1. Needing Breaks After Socializing
What happened to you? You use to be so full of life, now all you do is scroll through Internet lists. Day in and Day out, you seem hell bent on finding out who 8 People in Your Philosophy Class are, What Movie Best Describes Your Sex Life, or even this… this clear clickbait, designed to say general things that'll make you feel like you're in a subgroup. To make you feel special. This is an intervention.
2. Preferring to Be Alone Than with People
It's been three weeks since I saw you last, and even then all you did was compare the restaurant items to Which Celebrity It Most Looked Like. You didn't even eat… you just Ranked the Fruit.
3. Cancelling Plans to Be By Yourself
I thought this relationship would work. In the beginning, you seemed so invested, so caring, but ever since you took that quiz to see What Type of Relationship You Should Be In, you haven't been the same. I'm still me, and you're still you. We're not Whatever Sitcom Couple the Internet Says We Are. We're us… We're just us…
4. Having a Fear of Group Projects
Your performance at work has become horrendous these past few weeks. Last Tuesday I caught you looking up A List of DIY Home Remedies on the job. For God sake, you're a doctor! You shouldn't be concerned with 50 People Having a Worse Day Than You, and you shouldn't be showing it to the patients' families!
5. Wanting to Leave a Party Early
As your best friend, I feel it's my obligation to give it to you straight. No, we are not ANY of the 35 Greatest TV Duos of All Time. No, I don't know ANY of the things Only Best Friends of Ten Years Know. That's not my job. And no, when we go out I DO NOT CARE What Type of Drink You Are. In fact, we definitely need to have a second intervention about your alcoholism after this.
6. Getting Nervous When People Ask You Questions
Don't you see all the people you're affecting? Are you just going to sit there, scrolling until your thumbs fall off? Will you take anything away from this besides Which Television Anti-Hero You Are? Because I'll spoil it for you right now, it's House. You're an alcoholic doctor with relationship problems, congratulations! But you don't have to be House; you can be anyone you want! You just gotta get out there, do Some Fun Activities, Read a Book, and above all, you have to learn To Be Happy with Yourself.
I hoped this reached you, and I hope it helped. I mean after all, we Followed the Instructions.