My first official week as Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez has come to an end and to celebrate I wanted to share with you my favorite Instant Pot recipes that are sure to help you cause a stir.
The Little Girl Mac N’ Cheese
This is my favorite dish to cook when I want to to make old white men throw their hands in the air and scream, “Damn females!” The key to this recipe is to be young but also a woman. Just not so much of a woman that you remind men of their mothers. All you need is a bright, plucky face and you’ll have no problem reminding them of a tiny insubordinate baby.
Ingredients:
- 1 youngest Congresswoman ever elected to the House
- 2 cups of misogyny
- 1 can of underestimation
- 1 75-year-old man who can’t differentiate between a little girl and a 29-year-old adult
A Green New Vegetable Soup
This is my favorite recipe to make when I feel like summoning the wrath from the full Fox News lineup. It doesn’t take much but you will definitely need to believe that the threat of climate change is scarier than Harriet Tubman on the $20.
Ingredients:
- 1 29-year-old radical congresswoman
- 5 cups of misogyny
- 1 Green New Deal (Sprinkle in growing support for The Green New Deal for taste)
Learn The Job Beef Chili
I only make this dish when I’m trying to displease people on both sides. The key ingredient to this recipe is you must be younger than the person you’re trying to anger. It helps if that person is Whoopi Goldberg and if you’re a “Hot Topic” on The Talk. I mean The Real. No, sorry. ABC’s The Gaze.
Ingredients:
- 1 29-year-old woman with opinions
- 1 statement about the lack of progress by the Democratic party made by said 29-year-old
- 1 talk show host who conflates solid opinions with a need for ratings
The Breakfast Club Strawberry Pancakes
Despite The Breakfast Club being in the name of this dish, please remember that the recipe strictly does not call for the actual movie. All you need to make people see red with this recipe is some Breakfast Club-inspired dancing on top of a roof.
Ingredients:
- 1 college version of a democratic socialist congresswoman joyfully dancing on a roof
- 1 tbsp of conventional attractiveness
- 1 attempt to “Own the libs”
- 1 YouTube video made from clips of a different video homage to The Breakfast Club
- 1 old nickname of “Sandy”
Split Pea Soup Of Truth
Lastly, a dish that many find hard to swallow but it’s really my favorite for unsettling the masses and whipping up real eye-popping rage.
Ingredients:
- 1 29-year-old congresswoman of color
- 1 60 Minutes Interview
- 1 decisive “Yeah.” answer to the question, “Is Donald Trump racist?”
- 1 absolutely shook Anderson Cooper