Ahoy matey! We’re so sorry for yer loss. We know it can feel overwhelmin’ to plan a funeral when it be yer own matey stepping into Davy Jones’s locker. That’s why we at Pirate’s Landing Funeral Home take a human-first approach to plannin’ a swashbucklin’ goodbye. Dead men may tell no tales, but we believe funerals be a time to talk about the life of the person who passed as well as emotional support for when ye hit rough waters.
We be followin’ a traditional service structure and the itinerary is as follows:
The friends and family of the deceased will be steppin’ aboard The Flying Dutchman for the viewing, held on the poop deck. At the service’s conclusion, we be lowerin’ the Jolly Roger to half-mast and the funeral procession will “walk the plank” to the cemetery where the deceased will be laid to rest. After which point we be returnin’ to the Flying Dutchman for a luncheon. Don’t worry, there will be rum a’plenty!
While this is our traditional package, there be options to customize the service to yer likin’! For a more intimate service we can move the viewing to the quarterdeck. This is great for open casket funerals ye may want if yer loved one passed from scurvy or pancreatic cancer.
Blackbeard generally holds the funeral service because he can spin a grand ol’ tale. From a rousin’ adventure of slayin’ a fowl Kraken to the quotidian of Gammy’s morning coffee ritual, he be yer man. But we’re happy to sail ashore if ye have a different scallywag or priest ye would like to come aboard.
For refreshments we be providin’ a treasure trove of seafood but do have vegan, gluten free, kosher, and halal options upon request.
Aye, our travels across the seven seas have shown us the vast array of cultural traditions around death. Blackbeard particularly be a jack of all trades, havin’ his BFA in World Religions from Vassar College. Aye, if ye wish to sit shiva, burn paper money, or decorate the coffin, he can assist ye. In the event that our services be lackin’, we be happy to collaborate with an outside vendor of yer choosin’.
Whether ye be wantin’ a somber affair or a celebration of a life, we have ye covered. We have some of the finest wenches on land or sea who can sing a tune as well as any siren. They can sing ye “Amazing Grace,” “Time to Say Goodbye,” or learn whatever song yer heart desires with 48 hours advanced notice.
When ye lose a loved one, figurin’ out the paperwork can feel like lookin’ at an old wet treasure map! That’s why we be helpin’ ye with the documentation for the death certificate, filin’ for life insurance benefits, or even applyin’ for veterans burial benefits. That way ye can get the treasure yer entitled to from the appropriate insurance and government agencies. If ye be needin’ expedited filin’, Blackbeard also be a licensed notary public in the state of New York.
It can take a while to get yer sea legs back once a loved one passes. That’s why we be offerin’ to connect ye to a therapist who specializes in grief and loss in the months followin’ the funeral. Many try to batten down the hatches of their emotions after loss, but we believe that’s how an event can turn into long-term trauma. Aye, the body keeps the score. We’re here to help ye find someone in-network.
We understand that not everybody has the booty needed to pay for a funeral. That’s why we be offerin’ a slidin’ scale depending on how many doubloons ye make annually after taxes.
Choosin’ the right funeral home can be a difficult decision for any landlubber, and we’re grateful that ye have considered us to be part of this deeply personal voyage. Send us a message in a bottle if ye would like to get in contact.
We’re here to lend ye a helpin’ hook.