Step right up, step right up! This year, we've scrapped our usual Corn Maze for having you sit here and get lost in your own iPhone or Android! The phone is a wonderful maze! It mystifies, it confuses, and – Oh would you look at that? You're already staring right at it.
We have accepted the fact that the Corn Maze could no longer compete with technology's draw to hook you to the point that you lose all sense of time. Plus, this helps us save a buck, as you would not believe the water bill to maintain the cornfield.
Heck, why don't you get the whole family in on the getting-lost-in-your-phone fun!? Give the kiddos some “iPad Time” with Daniel Tiger while you settle down for “You Time” looking at Facebook and feeling bad about your life.
Sit right here, where we've arranged some bushels of hay for you to park your ass on while you scroll. You may end up lost in some clickbait Paris Hilton articles, but we still want this attraction to retain that signature Harvest Fair feel.
Unlike the lowly Corn Maze, the possibilities of getting lost in your phone are endless. Here are just some of the twists and turns that lie ahead…
Unread Text Message Entrance! Upon unlocking the phone, this is most people's first stop. Answering one text is harmless. But you'll remember even more texts you want to send. And watch out for those old group chat photos up ahead. Looking at those will surely get you snagged!
Instagram Path! Watching one cat Reel leads to a wrong turn where you fall into watching 27 other cat Reels, 13 makeup tutorials, and scrolling your feed until you are “All Caught Up!” You will need to retrace your steps, but how will you get back Reels you've already watched? (Nobody knows.)
TikTok House of Mirrors! You'll try a different path by ambling over to TikTok but it will all look the same as those IG Reels. “I coulda sworn I just passed through this way,” you'll cry.
YouTube Bramble! Hoping some “Yoga With Adrienne” will fix the ache in your neck from staring down at your phone for close to an hour now? Think again. Come this way and you'll fall into a thicket of '90s SNL videos.
Bushel-O-Budgeting App! You stumble over here wondering if you can afford that cat dryer you saw on TikTok. Now you are lost in your phone and your finances. You make a turn towards some Investopedia articles. But beware! Doing “smart” things on the phone is not gonna get you out any faster.
Sun and Clouds! Is that clearing up ahead the way out? No, it's the Weather app. You may think that you can't go down too much of a spiral here. But alas, you will check the weather in 16 different cities that you are not currently in and will never visit!
Most people eventually find their way out of their phones and go on to enjoy our fresh-pressed apple cider and a hay ride with their kids. But some people chance upon the “I Am The Man With Two Penises AMA” sub-Reddit and well, we haven't heard hide or hair from them again.
Which one will you be? Step right up and find out!