Dearest Daughter,
I take my pen in hand to let you know I am at one of my favorite places on earth: Gettysburg. I’m having the time of my life. I can’t help but get in character when I visit this place. What would it be like if I was here during the Civil War? But also still your father?
The Battle of Gettysburg was fought here over three days. A great deal of people, including myself, call it the turning point of the Civil War.
Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born. And also when I was here last year, looking at the same exact field.
I’ve enclosed ten photographs of the field. Let me know what you think.
Your affectionate father,
Dad
To My Girl,
I went hungry for two days. All I’ve had are corn dogs from the gift shop. But the taste of recycled peanut oil doesn’t deter me, because I am still standing on the precipice of the same battlefield.
I have made acquaintance with a young man here. He offered me sustenance, and we struck up a conversation about this battlefield. He has a pretty good job. He’s asking for your Instagram. What is it? I think I can make this happen if he’s able to look you up on social media.
Yours in esteem,
Dad
P.S.
I’m confused by the text message you sent in response to my letter. You asked why I sent you pictures of an “empty field.”
My daughter, there is nothing empty about this battlefield. It contains the history of the bloodiest battle ever fought on American soil. Canons from the war remain on the field to this day. I bet if I looked I could find some old bones.
Plus, I just really get a kick out of standing here and wanted to share that with you.
Dear Child,
Too long by far have I delayed in providing you with the historical context of what happened during those three fateful days in 1863 on the very battlefield where I still stand.
Rather than tell you about what happened, I’ll show you.
You are sure to remember my favorite motion picture by the name of Gettysburg. It features Richard Jordan, Martin Sheen, and the guy from that thing.
I’m disclosing a VHS of the film for your viewing. I always bring it with me on vacation in case of emergencies.
You don’t have to return it. I have many, many copies.
By the way, why isn’t this movie available on streaming? Can you ask someone about that? I think many other people, especially dads, would like that kind of thing.
Yours in cannons,
Dad
P.S.
You’ll notice that I’ve ignored your requests to insert myself into pictures of the battlefield. First, my phone does not have the feature that allows me to take pictures of myself.
Second, if I were to be in the photograph, you would not get the dramatic expanse of land that makes up Gettysburg.
Also, the offer to wed my young companion has been formally revoked. The young man to whom I offered your hand has perished.
Daughter,
Have you yet tended to the changing of your automobile’s oil? It is of utmost prudence to see to this task every ten thousand miles. Should you dedicate yourself to the upkeep of your vehicle, she shall serve you faithfully for many years to come.
Yours in sincerity and fondness,
Dad
P.S. Going to visit Gettysburg again today. Will send updates.
Hello again,
I must make amends for an error in my previous correspondence. I wrote that I wished “you” were here, but what I intended to convey was that I long for the presence of the esteemed American historian and best-selling author, David McCullough.
Have you read his book 1776 yet? It’s not about the Civil War but about the American Revolution. It will give you context for understanding Gettysburg.
I’m just now realizing that my hero David McCollough has never written a book about the Civil War.
That kind of thing is pretty upsetting to me.
I am your father,
Dad
P.S. As of late, these have been getting returned to sender. Can you look into that?