Children are tiny miracles. From the minute they’re born, your life is transformed in a profound way. All of the adages and cliches inherent in parenthood hold true. It's exhausting and it’s challenging, but it’s always worth it. Being a dad is great, and watching my three-year-old son grow up is one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. But I still say that working as a lifeguard in 1997 was actually the best job that I ever had.
I love my son, and I cherish the times we spend together. Whether it’s wrestling around on the living room floor or reading stories before bed, I find these moments to be among the most meaningful of my life. With that said, ‘97 was a pretty great year to be a lifeguard.
I basically got paid to sit outside all day and look cool in my wraparound sunglasses while working with some of the best-looking babes in town. While I still get to work with the best-looking babe in town (my wife), I've found that my work as a dad forces me to be a lot more accountable than my times by the pool. In both instances you’re responsible for the life of another person, but you definitely feel it more when it’s your child versus some kid named “Jerry” whose parents leave him at the public pool all day.
And these days, if I try to wear my wraparounds, my wife makes fun of me.
A lot of non-parents might not know this, but while being a dad is technically a job, you don’t actually get paid to do it. One of the great things about being a lifeguard in 1997 was that I got paid for it every two weeks. Back then, I’d take my paycheck and blow it at the pool’s snack shop, “The Deep End,” buying soft drinks and rope licorice for my friends minutes after I had received it.
In those days, the money and pool snacks seemed to flow as freely as the hose we used to spray down the concrete when some kid dropped his nachos. As a dad, whatever limited surplus money I do have is tied up in diapers, outfits that only get worn once, and whatever the heck a “dock-a-tot” is.
Looking back, I remember one day at the pool when I showed up for a shift at like three in the afternoon and was supposed to work until seven that night, but then a kid pooped in the pool and I got to leave early. Afterwards a bunch of us went to see Men in Black at the local cineplex. It was awesome. As a dad, if a kid poops in a pool, there’s a pretty good chance that it was my son, and I don’t get to just leave it there and go watch Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones fight aliens. No, I’ve got to clean it up and then apologize for it.
I've shared my “lifeguarding is a better job than being a dad” opinion with the other fathers at my son’s daycare, and they roll their eyes, which I assume is because they, themselves, were never lifeguards. They’ll never know what it was like to play Mario Kart all night, pound a Surge in the morning, and then doze off in the sky-high throne that is the lifeguard chair, without a care in the world.
Being a father is almost constant caring and concern. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super rewarding and great, but it’s just not nearly as chill as my lifeguard job that year before Bill Clinton got impeached.
The joys of parenthood are as immense as they are plentiful. Being a dad is equal parts heart-affirming and meaningful and will forever change your life. But as far as jobs go, fatherhood doesn’t hold a candle to being a lifeguard in 1997.