There are several natural enemies to the Cocksman that every guy should know about. In your never-ending quest to get laid, these enemies will present themselves time and time again. They are known as Cockblocks. Heed the following advice well and forget not the danger that looms.
1. The Mother Hen
The Mother Hen is perhaps the most feared enemy of the Cocksman. The Mother Hen feels the need to look after all the other women in her pack, and by "look after them" I mean "make sure you don't fuck them." The Mother Hen will assure that your potential fuck for the night does not go home with you by insisting that all her girls go home together. The only option that will permit you to bone one of the Mother Hen's chicks is if she is distracted by the threat of one of her other chicks being ram-dogged. For this you will need a Wingman (more on this later).
Fortunately, the Mother Hen can only look out for one of her chicks at a time, giving you enough time to steal one away.2. Snitches
Everyone knows what a snitch is—we've dealt with them throughout our lives. The same kid who told the teacher on you for picking your nose or cheating on your homework now blocks your cock by telling your candidates in the boning election that you slept with his 18-year-old sister and his mom in the same week or that you just got a handy in the parking lot from the girl at the end of the bar.
Snitches can easily crimp your pimp, but they are just as easily countered. Cocksmen are generally a stronger, larger breed than snitches. The best way to ward off a Snitch from scaring away your prey is to follow the saying, "Snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches." A Snitch can usually be scared away by a simple threat. Brandishing a switchblade usually works well, mostly because anybody who carries a switchblade is by default a badass motherfucker who is not to be fucked with (unless you want to get cut).
If the Snitch doesn't cower in fear at the sight of your blade, slice off his ear and say some thing cool afterward like, "Can you hear me now?" or "I'm keeping this," or "I think this would make a cool necklace." When the Snitch quits bleeding all over himself like a little bitch, he'll probably call the cops because he's a fucking Snitch, so get the fuck out of there. If you don't go to prison, job you'll never have to worry about the Snitch again. If you do go to prison, it was totally worth it.
3. Booze
Booze is a true Catch 22. Joseph Heller actually wanted to write his book about booze but then his wife started bitching and being a cunt and made him go to rehab for being an alcoholic even though he only got pants-shitting drunk 5 to 6 times a week. So when Heller got out of rehab he wrote his book about war and hate fucked his wife ‘til her pussy fell out. Since Heller's wife's pussy didn't work anymore, he took her to the vet and had her put down.
Booze is a natural friend to the Cocksman in most situations. It makes women do things like pull out their tits at random times and make out with other chicks. It also makes a Cocksman more confident and better-looking. The downside to booze is it could make you incapable of getting a hard-on if over consumed. Also it's hard (but not impossible) to nail a chick after you throw up on her. The symbiotic relationship a Cocksman has with booze is just something that each and every Cocksman must accept as inevitable.
4. Fat Uglies
Fat Uglies are not traditional Cockblocks, but it is still important to understand the threat these large packages present. It is almost never acceptable to bed a Fat Ugly. Fat Uglies are the weak gazelles in the herd, thereby eliminating the thrill of the hunt that every Cocksman seeks.
Sometimes Cocksmen will prey on Fat Uglies but only to avoid starvation. A Fat Ugly is a last resort. A Cocksman will prey on a Fatty or an Ugly long before a Fat Ugly.
Sometimes Cocksmen will use Fat Uglies for sport. This is known as hogging, whaling, chubby chasing, big game hunting, or hunting the tatanka. These outings usually include a monetary wager in which the Cocksman who conquers the largest or the ugliest Fat Ugly takes home the prize money. Often a weight is established as a starting point for wager if the objective is to bag the largest Fat Ugly. For every pound the Fat Ugly is over the established weight, the Cocksman who rides the largest one receives that many dollars from every other Cocksman in the competition. For example if the starting weight is 150 pounds and the winning Cocksman reels in a 200-pounder, each losing Cocksman owes the winning Cocksman 50 dollars.
It is also important to know that Hotties will usually have at least one Fat Ugly in their pack. The Fat Ugly will undoubtedly try to get the attention of any male in the general proximity. This is when you need a good Wingman with low standards. Set your Wingman loose on the Fat Ugly so you can focus on the attractive women in the group. A good Wingman will understand the situation. This tactic is sometimes known as jumping on the grenade.
Some Cocksmen have acquired a taste for Fat Uglies. In fact, in rare instances some Cocksmen prefer Fat Uglies because "Fat Uglies never leave you and give you the blues," as one of my fellow Cocksmen so delicately phrased it.
5. I only have 4 things to put on this list but you can't end a fucking list on the number 4.