After what can only be described as the most-watched television event since Kimbo Slice struggling through the “General Knowledge” round on Jeopardy, how could the Friends writers and crew possibly continue the series after their ball-fizzingly perfect finale? Here are some ideas that should appeal to hardcores (Frenonites) and casuals alike.
1. The one where Chandler washes his hair using shower gel instead of shampoo, with disastrous consequences. Ross becomes infatuated with a woman in a painting from the 15th century and won't stop until her haunted bones are laid to rest.
2. The one where Monica misses the boat on the ALS awareness Ice Bucket Challenge. Phoebe writes a song where the cat is a metaphor.
3. The one where Joey watches TV while high on Mary Jane and becomes convinced that Willow is a documentary about Warwick Davis and his life post-Return of the Jedi. Rachel sees a Slavic fortune teller, which leads to her slashing a painting in an art gallery to get back at Rembrandt for standing her up in a past life.
4. The one where Chandler must take a week off work after seeing his father in a film called “Bulletproof Spunk” on the adult channel in a New Jersey motel. Rachel binge watches House of Cards on Netflix to brush up on candidates' policies in the upcoming election.
5. The one where Rachel becomes jealous of a little girl trick-or-treating as Marilyn Monroe. Joey, Ross and Chandler must keep their wits about them when they wake up in a small cabin in the woods with no recollection of how they got there. The only clues as to what brought them to this shack are signed pages of the Necronomicon in the fireplace and a video on Joey's phone of Ross removing his own ribs to release a shadow creature into the world.
6. The one where the gang avoids Ross around Manhattan for a day because he is wearing a shirt that says “On this shirt is my dinosaur list / Come over here and sit on my fist.” Chandler applies Sudocrem to a mouth ulcer and must deal with the consequences when the taste is quite bad.
7. The one where Monica reads a book about Cosimo De'Medici and becomes a patron of the arts. Chandler is commissioned by Baroness Von Gellar to paint a portrait of World War I fighter pilot ace Baron Von Richthofen.
8. The one where Ross discovers scurvy is not just a disease of the past. Joey takes part in an unsanctioned boxing match and struggles through adversity during the weight cut.
9. The one where Phoebe becomes addicted to sniffing glue after spending a weekend with gutter punks after a Discharge concert. Monica begins removing her skin with a scouring pad in an attempt to make herself unattractive to Richard.
10. The one where Rachel begins her fashion videoblogging career. Chandler stumbles across the 4chan board /b/ and attempts to buy Oxycontin online.
11. The one where Central Perk's expansion angers the rat king. Phoebe finds a tape she used to listen to before bed as a child and realizes it was an audiobook of Mein Kampf.
12. The one where Ross finds proof that fossil records in the museum are faked but his arrogance and desperate need to be correct in all arguments leads him to cover up the scandal and destroy evidence. Joey eats a pizza covered in all the available toppings.
13. The one where Chandler urinates in an empty subway carriage. Monica and Phoebe go camping but the mood sours when Phoebe admits she did not like Monica all that much during the first year of their friendship. The two friends must learn to overcome their differences and work together when their bickering angers a nearby bear.