“There exists within everyone a grand passion, an outlandish thirst for adventure, a desire to live boldly and vividly through the journey of life.”
—Kurt Hahn, Founder of Outward Bound
Your adventure with Inward Bound™ begins here!
Do you have the strength to tackle the challenges of indoor living? Do you have a thirst for narrowing your horizons? Will you embrace this opportunity to become the leader of your studio apartment? Then start your journey today at Inward Bound™! We’ve designed programs to help you master the skills needed to spend time alone and survive the elements of the great indoors. With our expertise in confined space exploration, our company is leading the way in indoor education. After completing any one of our adventures, your best self will be the one stuck inside with no one to talk to.
Sign up for one of our quarantine programs today!
Excursions to Nowhere
Zoom, Google Hangouts, and FaceTime! Whether it’s a work meeting or one of your cousin’s Wednesday morning happy hours, group “in-ings” require a positive attitude. But beware, like actual socializing, these online platforms come with risks, pitfalls, and even outright dangers. To help you navigate virtual close encounters, our tech-savvy instructors will make sure that you never appear quite as smelly as you are, that you never accidentally strip down in front of your colleagues, and that you never fart while your audio’s on.
First Aid
It will be weeks, maybe months, maybe years or more before you can address emergencies by visiting your chiropractor, hairdresser, or gynecologist. Root touch-ups? Root canals? Abortions in Texas? Not happening. But after you watch our video series on a range of topics from bang trims to DIY acupuncture to suspicious mole removal, you’ll find quick remedies that heal you in time for a big night of talking to yourself in the mirror.
Resource Conservation
“Leave No Trace” has taken on new meaning in the pandemic. The shortage of toilet paper can lead to traces in your underpants, and although you have no reason to care—since you’re alone all the time (like literally every minute) and will probably never go on date again this year (and likely even next)—you should care, because dignity. These challenging times call for rationing of squares while supplies last and resourcefulness when they run out. Among other strategies, this course will give you washable or recyclable ethical toilet paper alternatives, such as coffee filters, indoor plant leaves, or oven mitts.
Avalanche Preparedness
The good news is that your chances of experiencing an avalanche have suddenly dropped to 0.000%. But learning how to “dig out” is more important than ever. Whether you’re suffocating under a pile of unwashed sweatpants, a mound of debt, or feelings of existential doom, you’ll learn cutting edge methods to claw your way to breathable air while wearing a porous face mask you fashioned out of an old bra.
Housekeeping for Men
Is your sink full of cereal bowls, beer bottles, and eggshells that remain there, and then later, like even the next day, still remain there? In this course, you’ll be forced to learn creative methods to keep the campsite clean. Whether it’s washing your pajamas by wearing them in the bathtub or forgoing a glass by mainlining vodka straight into your veins, you’ll be proud of your living space that absolutely no one will ever see again except you because there’s no end in sight to this isolation, and oh my god how long will this go on?
Physical Fitness
When traversing a rugged indoor terrain, one needs to be not in peak but still in halfway decent physical condition. Working out at the gym with actual people who pat you on the back and say nice things like, “Looking good, pal” is not in your near or distant or far-far future, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on your lumpy body and discover new indoor health routines like “cat lifts,” “2-second planks,” or “sofa sit-ups.” Inward Bound™ will also show you how to harness some of your new moves, like sprinting to the door every time you hallucinate that a friend rang the bell, karate chopping your TV screen during coronavirus press conferences and—best of all—climbing the motherfucking walls.