Urgent Message From IT Department: We need you to install this new software because the old version was too hard for you. You, specifically. Everyone else got it easily. Download it now before you accidentally break your computer.
SUFFERING FROM AWKWARD SEX DREAMS ABOUT COWORKERS? 70% DISCOUNT ON BENADRYL, EXTRA STRENGTH ZZZQUIL, GENERIC OTC SUDAFED. FALL ASLEEP QUICKLY, BLOCK IT ALL OUT! ORDER NOW FOR LEGAL SAME-DAY DROP OFF.
Dear, it’s your favorite professor from college. I was just rereading your essays because they’re so smart and clearly the best of all the students (ever). I’d like to sell them as a book titled “Genius”. Download this PDF to read the first proof.
This is Apple customer service. We have reason to believe your father’s iPad is compromised. He is about to call you and ask you for tech support, which could take up to four hours over the phone. He doesn’t even know his Apple ID. Save your Sunday by ordering him a new iPad here!
YOU FORGOT MOM’S BIRTHDAY! IT’S TODAY! BUY HER A PRESENT HERE NOW!
Heyyy sexy… We met in line at the Urgent Care? You had a pulled hamstring from bird watching? When you paid you had big Credit Card. Want to trade CVV’s? 😉
NEW: Bookstores Near YOU Giving Out Free PDF’s Of Anna Karenina! For heavy Kindle users only! Includes RARE Russian Patronym Name Chart! Offer ends TONIGHT! CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD!
Hey, it’s mom. I ran into your old bully and she apologized for saying you “mouth-breathe like a rescue dog” in front of your whole 4th grade class. She wants to make it up to you with money. What’s your bank account number?
WOW! You have GREAT taste in music! You LOVE the VERY BEST “5 Hours White Noise For Relax and Sleep”! So YOU ARE CHOSEN for FREE Spotify Gift Card!
Hi!!! It’s your Amazon delivery driver! I took the shoes that you ordered and threw them in the lake because they were ugly:) Doing you a favor here. Log in now and buy this cooler pair.
PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE LOOKING AT YOU ON LINKEDIN, AND BOY DO YOU LOOK PATHETIC! BUY LINKEDIN BLACK PLATINUM TO PROVE THEM WRONG!
This is your internet service provider. You used all your bandwidth watching YouTube tutorials. If you want to learn how to fix your bathroom doorknob, you have to send us money right now. Otherwise you will stay stuck in there.
Hi there… I’m an ultra beautiful local girl with great taste in blazers and a clear sense of self. Want to buy me an e-gift card for Barnes & Noble? Then maybe I’ll show you my ideas…
98% OF PEOPLE REVERSED “ENNUI” WITH THIS POTENT TONIC! 9 OUT OF 10 APOTHECARIES RECOMMEND!
This is an urgent message from the Department of Education. We have discovered that you cheated on two essays in college. This is illegal. We are destroying the “Genius” manuscript and revoking your Social Security Number. Enter your SSN here so we can confiscate it. If you don’t then that’s cheating again.
Hey, this is a scammer. You seem weird but cool. Want to be friends?