Congratulations! Your friend has decided to start a podcast. Maybe it’s about sports, or music, or general commentary about his life. He’s clearly excited about this new project and he can’t wait to share it with you.
Unfortunately, you would rather do anything else than listen to your friend’s podcast.
This doesn’t make you a bad person. Your friend could have an annoying voice, or he only talks about his serious personal issues and you’d rather not listen to that during your hour commute to work. Whatever the situation, it’s not your job to boost his viewership numbers.
While you should always be honest with your friends, he’s not the type of person who responds well to feedback or criticism of any kind. He has a podcast, after all! Instead, keep his delusion alive by pretending that you love listening to his podcast, when in reality you’ve never hit the “play” button and you don’t really like him as a person.
As a disclaimer, if it turns out his podcast endorses any canceled celebrities or social malady, you will need to quickly backtrack. This may involve releasing a counter-podcast or viral apology video. Don’t listen to your friend’s podcast at your own risk.
With that being said, if your friend asks you whether you’ve listened to his podcast, evade the question by saying that you’re “so excited” to listen, but work has been “so busy.” Note this strategy will not work if you’re unemployed, or if this friend is a coworker who watches you play solitaire all day at the office.
For most people, a comment about your excitement to watch the podcast and a follow-up text saying that you “loved it” will suffice. But sometimes, you need to take more drastic measures. Your friend wants to know what exactly you liked about the podcast. He wants feedback (compliments only). Your words aren’t enough. It’s time to get creative.
Offer to make merchandise for your friend’s podcast. Put your graphic design degree to good use and create a nondescript logo that you could put on t-shirts. Keep one of those t-shirts in your car so if you ever see him, you can throw it on real quick. You would only wear a t-shirt advertising a podcast if you really love it.
You could take this a step further and rent a large billboard promoting his show, stick a bumper sticker with the logo on your car, or buy ad space in a local newspaper. Make sure you tell him about all of these endeavors so he gets the message that you love his podcast you’ve never listened to.
As a side effect of your commitment to your friend’s podcast, he might invite you to be a guest on the pod. You will feel pressured to listen to an episode in preparation, but don’t put yourself through that. Instead, wear earplugs during the episode and guess at what he’s talking about through body language and lip reading. If he smiles, you’re doing a good job. Just don’t be too convincing or he’ll ask you to be his co-host.
Mention the podcast to your mutual friends and acquaintances. Hopefully one of them will tell him you recommended it. Now you have a witness! Nothing to suspect here.
If all goes according to plan, you will have made it through your friend’s podcast run without listening to it. On the off-chance that it becomes successful, he might ask you to organize the season two launch party, seeing as you’re such a big fan. Since you never listened, the least you could do is help him out.
Rent out a local venue and have it catered as you hire a DJ to play episodes of your friend’s podcast. Feel free to invite friends and acquaintances. This could be a great third date for that girl you’ve been talking to! Keep the conversations flowing so your friend’s podcast doesn’t fill any of the silence, but if anyone asks, it’s a great podcast. Not that you would know.