You think you've fallen in love with a certain barista? One-sided crushes on baristas have reached epidemic levels in our society—and yes, the baristas seem annoyed. This convenient screening tool will help you determine if your feelings are genuine enough to warrant action, and how likely the barista is to love you in return. Best of luck!

Score one point for each “yes” answer unless otherwise noted. (No calculators please. 100% of baristas prefer romantic prospects who can, at minimum, do simple math.)

Does your barista always remember your favorite drink? Add one bonus point if your favorite drink is not something embarrassing like a Half-caf Banana Latte.

Do you know what non-lucrative field your barista studied in graduate school? Add one bonus point if it was something other than philosophy or creative writing.

Is this the first barista you’ve ever fallen in love with? Subtract seven points if you have fallen in love with more than two prior baristas OR have proposed marriage to at least one barista. If you have proposed marriage to more than two baristas, stop taking this quiz and skip to the scoring portion immediately please.

Are you aware that your barista is a complex, autonomous individual with a valid set of hopes and dreams? Can you name at least two of your barista’s hopes and/or dreams? (Note: If you think your barista's hopes and dreams include making babies with you… for the purposes of this quiz, no, you cannot count that.)

Do you and your barista usually discuss romantic topics such as poetic wedding vows, sunset picnics on the beach, or similar? Does your barista keep asking unnecessary questions to keep you talking at the counter (e.g. “What's your favorite kind of cheese to eat at the beach?”) even though there are twenty-eight people behind you in line, and they all want Half-caf Banana Lattes?

Do you feel stymied and ineffectual when tipping your barista because this extraordinary human deserves something much, much more valuable than a stupid buck or two in a stupid plastic cube?

Do you struggle with an overwhelming urge to hold your barista close and whisper tenderly? For example, you want to whisper: “Take a break forever, beloved. I will make coffee for you. “

Does your barista usually remember your name? Add three bonus points if your barista pronounces your name with quiet conviction while writing it on your cup in Sharpie. Add an additional five points if your barista then fumbles with the Sharpie, drops the Sharpie, says your name again for no reason and doesn’t even pick up the Sharpie.

Are you taking this quiz because of course you’re in love with your barista (duh), but you desperately hope a commanding voice will rise up and tell you—Yes, sweet customer!—it is time to overthrow the racking self-doubt that has plagued your absurd, tender heart for all these months? Subtract eight points if your heart is neither tender nor absurd.

-15 to 4 Points: Your crush on this barista is just a stand-in for your real true love, which is—and probably always has been—overpriced espresso in a paper cup. This is not a terrible outcome. Espresso will never leave you crying at the train station or nag you about your credit card statements.

5 to 12 Points: Ask this barista out on a date if you must, but you’d better have a virtuoso pickup line AND be prepared to switch coffee shops after the barista gives you a stunned look and silently shuffles away while everyone is staring at you.

13 to 19 Points: You are officially greenlighted to pursue a relationship with your barista. Next you’re probably wondering if this relationship will provide the constant, unblemished, life-long bliss you’ve been expecting. You're on your own with that one!

20 or More Points: Your barista is already planning to ask for your hand in marriage. Congratulations! What kind of biscotti will you serve at the wedding? Am I invited? Can I bring my barista?