Internal Monologuing: What the hell? Haven’t we as a society evolved from this?! Can’t you just walk down the street IN A SWEATSHIRT NOT THAT IT MATTERS without being harassed? You don’t need some random guy making you feel awkward and self-conscious while you’re out running errands. That’s what accidentally telling the Trader Joe’s cashier you love him is for.
Minimizing: Well, at least saying you’ve “still got it” isn’t vulgar or threatening. Not nearly as bad as what a lot of other catcallers you’ve encountered have said. And it was pretty progressive of him to consider a woman in her 40s to be sexually attractive. Should you actually go back and thank him for not buying into the sexless middle-aged woman trope?
Anger (Self-Directed): No no no, it is not okay for a strange man to comment on your appearance like that! What is wrong with you? What a man thinks about your looks is not a measure of your value in society. Your value in society is measured by your internal conviction of inherent self-worth and also whether the Trader Joe’s cashier says he loves me—I mean, you—back.
Comprehending: Wait… What did he mean by “still”?! A stranger made a split-second assessment and decided you looked so old that saying you still look good would be a compliment? Are you so decrepit that it was obviously a joke? Or—oh God—was it one of those things someone would say to a 99-year-old woman doing half a shot of whiskey to celebrate her birthday?
Bargaining: Have you just been fooling yourself into thinking you were aging gracefully when you actually look like an elderly tortoise? Have you been using the wrong cleansers, serums, exfoliators, and moisturizers? Should you sand off the first three layers of your skin to erase your wrinkles, being careful not to get blood dripping from your sagging jawline on your “Not a Day Over Fabulous” t-shirt? Are you crazy to think that the Trader Joe’s cashier mumbled something under his breath that may also have included the word “love”?
Anger (Society-Directed): Being old isn’t a bad thing. Society just makes women feel bad about being old, and also feel bad about feeling bad about being old. But you won’t fall for any of it! You are a confident woman and perfectly fine with your changing appearance, and you completely accept that you don’t look like you’re in your 20s anymore and that the Trader Joe’s cashier probably just said that he loves how many different supplements you were buying.
Botox Appointment-Making: So, you can think aging is not bad but still get just like a little Botox done, right? Everyone does it basically, and why should you have to feel bad about yourself just to prove a point about unrealistic standards of women’s attractiveness. You didn’t create all these standards and there’s no “right” decision, so you should just do what you want to do and stop second guessing myself—I mean, yourself.
Botox Appointment-Cancelling: You don’t need Botox right now—or ever—although it would be totally fine if you were to make the decision to get it in the future or to call them back in ten minutes and rebook the appointment. The important thing to remember is that, as an aging woman, you have the ultimate freedom to choose whether people will criticize you for looking older or for trying to look younger.
Accepting That The Real Catcaller Is The Impossible Beauty Standards for Women That You’ve Internalized Along The Way: And that Whole Foods has hotter cashiers than Trader Joe’s anyway.