Thanks so much for watching SHE’S latest ad for anti anxiety medication, even if it was un-skippable. Mind if we ask you a few questions?
Great!
At the beginning of the day, having never seen the ad before, did you feel like you had anxiety?
If you answered no, did your answer change over the course of the day, given that we proceeded to show you the ad twenty-seven times within an eight-hour span?
Did you eventually start to think, “Is SHE’S watching me?”
Was that thought followed by this thought: “Wow, what a sweet and caring gesture. I consider this brand a friend with whom I want to share my personal data and mental health history.” If not, please start over.
Choosing from our pre-selected word combinations, how would you describe our branding? Cool and Chill, Smart and Hot, or Sexy and Fun.
Do you think everyone gets these ads this much?
Please describe (in your mind) how you felt immediately after reading the ad’s disclaimer that said, “No you’re right—you are getting these ads more often than anyone else. Everyone knows this and is talking about it.”
Was it weird when the spokesperson in the ad addressed you by your first name?
Without using the words “annoying,” “unsettling,” or “predatory,” tell us how it felt when your laptop froze and you couldn’t exit out of the ad until you provided your email, home address, and a spicy little secret about yourself.
QUICK! Without thinking, what’s the first thing that came to mind when the spokesperson said, “Trust me on this one, queen, you need these!” and medication rained down from the sky like confetti, both in the ad and in your living room.
When we then immediately charged your credit card, did you think to yourself, “Okay, SLAY!” If not, why?
When Kristen Bell started doing a live, in-person production of the ad in your subway car, were you like, “Damn, that’s pretty cool.”
Were you actually not thinking that because you were too busy thinking about the fact that maybe someone in your subway car has a bomb? And it’s only a matter of time before the bomb goes off and you die. Like you're going to die just because you needed groceries (embarrassing). Except maybe you don’t die. Maybe you’re the only person to survive (worse). Then you’re trapped in a subway car surrounded by bodies and you have to claw your way out (sad, difficult). So when you do get out, you run up to the first person you see and you try to explain what happened (desperate). But then they interrupt you to let you know that your entire family, all of your friends, and everyone at work have been talking about how annoying your anxiety is. Like they were literally all just hanging out without you and talking about how annoying it is when you’re around them with your little fears. Also that bomb actually killed them too (your fault) and their last words were, “Have you heard how many ads she gets for SHE’S anti-anxiety medication?”
It’s cool, the way we’re gendering mental health stuff, right?