Ay, alright everybody, I wanna thank yous for coming in today. Business has been boomin’, but as we grow as an organized crime organization, I thought it would be good to introduce some new things in order to streamline all our nefarious business.
Is everybody up on our Wack Channel? If you don’t have your login, please talk to Lorenzo “Try Restarting Your Modem” Romano in our IT Department. You will now need to submit a request through a new app called “Ayyy” where you can send Lorenzo an “Oooo” request which will generate a ticket. Kapeesh?
First of all, you are all going to need to download the Laundr app, this is a great app that will help us carefully document and label how we secretly launder all of our money without a trace. It’s simple, all yous gotta do is create an account, scan every dollar you take from some stugotz or from a business under our “protection,” and create a new project. Once you upload the project, talk to your capo about approving a file which gets integrated into our “Moolah” profile. Will really simplify us makin' some cheddar. Our CFO, Tony “Save All Your Receipts” Governale, will thank you for your cooperation.
Ain’t these technologies great! When it comes to worrying about increased productivity, we can fugghetaboutit!
Now I know sometimes we can forget or lose track if we have “taken care” of a certain someone who may or may not need to be “sent to the farm” if you catch my drift. Well, it will be much easier now that we are integrating the Mrdr platform into our operation.
This thing is a great way to cover our tracks by making sure we have everything we need to hide entered into the app. If you are ever worried you might waste a nice piece of piano wire or a good pair of cement shoes on some mook, you can just check the spreadsheet on your individual team's project management section of the platform. All yous gotta do is enter your individualized passcode to get a call on your most recent burner phone (you gotta upload the number every time you cop a new burner) which will give you an access phrase and boom! No more time wasted wondering who is sleepin' with the fishes!
Now I know what you’re thinkin', Don Antonio, this is great! Nothin we love more than being able to meticulously track all our work on several different unrelated apps. I’m glad you say that, because I got one more for ya.
In order to make sure we don’t got any rats, we are going to need to record all your conversations using the Infrmnt app, which uses AI to detect patterns in your speech to decipher if you are a dirty rat bastard. No more wonderin’ if the fella next to you is squealing! Just simply press record anytime you talk about official business and upload the audio to the app and keep it open for 5 minutes while it analyzes the conversation for any funny business. I already had three guys killed based on this thing, it's a life saver! This way, by having all of our conversations recorded and uploaded, we can keep our secrets safe from any rats who might be wearing a wire. They won’t be catching us sayin' nothin' bad!
So let’s get out there and be the best bad guys we can be. Oh, forgot to mention, we are switching from Zoom to Amazon Chime for all of our meetin’s.