The results of our incredibly unscientific and undemocratic vote are in, and here they are: the ten pieces that got the most votes. We collected 172 ballots that included just over 240 votes for pieces—though at least one person voted for “pointsincase.com” plain and simple; thanks for appreciating the whole site! We didn't limit voters to one ballot, so, feasibly, all these votes could be from one dedicated super-fan—some kind of unsleeping comedy addict with strong opinions on short humor and an outsized taste for copy-paste.
Nevertheless, we crunched the numbers, and here are the 10 pieces that won over your voting hearts (ordered by date). Thanks to everyone who participated, and thanks again for a great year of writing!
And when you're done here, be sure to check out our other Best of 2024 list, with our favorite pieces selected by the editors!
Ten Grapes I Ate Anyway
Mike Range | Feb 7, 2024
In our voting form, we asked for comments on why people chose to submit a ballot for a piece, and this one had some of our favorite, succinct comments in the bunch:
- “I'll vote for anything that advocates for petty grape theft as a resistance to capitalism.”
- “I wrote it, sue me.”
- “I love the grapes!”
We're the Bank That Acquired Your Bank and You Have to Trust Us
Maury Levine | Mar 14, 2024
This one had some compliments for the piece (“Really Funny!!”), some compliments for the jokes (“The jokes are really funny”), and some compliments for us (“I like you guys”), which is always nice.
This one also had a comment that misunderstands how profitable of a site we are: “This author is hilarious! I don't know where he gets these crazy ideas from but this article was a good one. You should really hire him on as a full-time staff!”
When we have any full-time staff, we'll let you know!
I Have Googled “Foot Pain” and Regret to Inform You That I Am Dying
Ryan David | Apr 4, 2024
Unsurprisingly perhaps, there are a lot of hypochondriacs out there in the humor world—“Very relatable,” some of you noted, while I'm sure searching your own symptoms in another tab, “a truly poignant commentary on the fragility of existence.”
Job Listings, Translated
Kelley Greene | Apr 5, 2024
Some very personal responses to this one in the comments. For example:
“As someone who has spent the last few years deep in the perils of job hunting, this piece spoke directly to my disillusioned soul. It perfectly skewers the corporate doublespeak so many of these companies employ when talking about their culture and expectations. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have personally encountered a ton of the beats throughout my job search.”
Translation: Still unemployed.
Do You Have 5 Minutes to Talk About New Jersey's Plastic Bag Ban?
Katiy Heath | Jun 8, 2024
This one got at least one vote from the author, who wrote, “Admitting this one is mine, so my ‘clipboard lady' will forever hold a special place in my heart <3.”
And this holiday season, let's all keep the clipboard ladies in our hearts, too.
The Missing Diary of a Serial Killer, or Possibly of a Toddler-Parent
Alice Phillips | Jun 11, 2024
The parents out there really sparked to this one: “Parenthood is basically a horror movie so this piece nails it.” Some of the comments were even little horror stories of their own: “As a parent of a toddler, this piece speaks to my soul. Especially the Sunday one now that my two-year old can unlock the door by himself and sprint into the driveway.”
Be warned: the babies have learned locks, folks.
FAQ for Our Destination Wedding Inside an Active Volcano
Emily Kling | Sep 7, 2024
This one had a lot of really in-depth comments! Kudos on having some fans who can really write, Emily!
- “The heightening is absolutely brilliant and wildly depicts how crazy demanding/unreasonable destination weddings can be.”
- “Literally cackling, she nailed the tone of these wedding websites.”
- “This piece is so relatable. I've been to a ton of destination weddings and this is what the FAQs read like every time. I burst out laughing at the section about guest accommodations and also at, ‘What is the dress code? Black tie, of course.' It works so well amidst all the volcano references because it implies that requiring guests dress in black tie for destination weddings is equivalent in its absurdity (which it is).”
How to Avoid Spoilers to the Book You'll Never Read
Adam Wyrick | Sep 9, 2024
Our fans are readers, obviously, so this one isn't a surprising edition to this list: “The perfect piece for all of us with a massive ‘TBR’ pile.”
And when it comes to comments, shouting out the editor's own writing work elsewhere on the internet is a great way to get our attention: “While I'm not sure I can forgive Adam Wyrick for spoiling all these books I may never read (too busy reading through the LitHub 2024 list, of course), this piece had me feeling called out in a way that made me laugh–at myself and other people who are like this.” Flattery works, folks, simple as that!
Announcing My Seasonal Transition to Fairweather Friend
Viktoria Shulevich | Oct 10, 2024
You all described this one as “painfully relatable,” “funny because it's soooo true,” and “Every one of us has that friend who seemingly is ‘flakey.'”
What Happens When I Release This Cart Into a Busy Parking Lot Is Completely Out of My Hands
Miles-Erik Bell | Nov 16, 2024
At golf courses, carts have their own designated paths. But at grocery stores, it's the wild, wild West, and at least one reader recognized the important exploration of religious morality inherent in this modern Manifest Destiny: “It's about time ‘good Christian carts' got their due recognition.”