6. Arugula/Susan Sarandon
Arugula, also known as salad or garden rocket, is an aromatic, peppery salad green of Mediterranean origin. It's a great addition to salads, sandwiches and burgers. If you're feeling especially ambitious, you might even pile some atop a steaming hot pizza pie.
Susan Sarandon was born in Jackson Heights, NY, which is the setting of the television program Ugly Betty. She is the oldest of nine children. On top of an illustrious film career, which includes notable films like Thelma and Louise and Bull Durham, she is also an outspoken advocate for liberal and progressive political causes. In 2016, she endorsed Jill Stein for President. Jill Stein is a member of the Green Party.
You know what else is green?
Arugula.
5. Carrots/Nick Jonas
Carrots are a crunchy root vegetable rich in beta-carotene, fiber, vitamin K, and potassium. They are usually orange, though purple, red, white, and yellow varieties also exist. The Western carrot first appeared in the Netherlands in the 17th century. Dutch carrot growers invented them in honor of the House of Orange, the Dutch Royal Family.
Nick Jonas is an American singer, songwriter, producer and actor born in Dallas, Texas, which is the setting of the television program Dallas. When he was a teenager, he formed a band with his brothers Joe and Kevin called The Jonas Brothers. In 2010, he appeared as himself in an episode of The Biggest Loser.
The Biggest Loser is a show about weight loss.
You wanna know a good food for losing weight?
Motherfucking carrots.
4. Fennel/John Goodman
Fennel is a hardy, perennial herb with yellow flowers and wispy leaves. It is a member of the carrot (see #5 for more details) family. It is used in flavoring many natural toothpastes and is one of the chief ingredients in absinthe. Its seeds are the primary flavor component in Italian sausage.
John Goodman is an American actor best known for his roles in Roseanne and The Big Lebowski. He has also been lauded for his voice work in the films Monsters, Inc. and The Jungle Book, where he played a bear named Baloo who sang that stupid fucking song I still can't get out of my head. In 1983, he appeared with Megan Mullally in a commercial for the McDonald's Egg McMuffin. In 1984, McDonald's introduced the Sausage McMuffin.
It had sausage in it.
You know what else has sausage in it?
Italian sausage.
Anyone remember the primary flavor component of Italian sausage?
Ding ding ding. It's goddamn fennel seeds.
3. Rutabaga/Oprah
The rutabaga is a root vegetable that originated as a cross between a cabbage (bonus doppelganger: Tara Reid) and a turnip (bonus doppelganger: Patton Oswalt). The town of Askov, Minnesota was the former “Rutabaga Capital of the World” until its famous Henriksen Rutabaga Warehouse burned down in the 1970's. The city is still the home of the annual Rutabaga Festival, which is held the fourth weekend of August.
Oprah Gail Winfrey was originally named “Orpah Winfrey” but, growing up, people mispronounced her name so often that she just changed it. (Fun fact: this is also why Mark Wahlberg goes by Mark Wahlberg and not his birth name, Makr Wahblerg.) She is best known for her talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show, which is the highest-rated television talk show in history. In 2017, she will release her first cookbook, Food, Health and Happiness: 115 On-Point Recipes for Great Meals and a Better Life.
You know what cookbooks have in them?
Recipes.
You know what recipes have in them?
Ingredients.
Want an example of an ingredient?
Sage.
Want another one?
Rutabaga.
2. Broccoli/Mary J Blige
Okay yeah so I feel like this one's pretty intuitive.
1. Eggplant/Benedict Cumberbatch
Eggplant, or aubergine, is a species of nightshade known for its edible white flesh and meaty texture. In 13th century Italian folklore, the eggplant represents insanity. In 21st century folklore, it represents an erect penis.
Benedict Cumberbatch is an English actor who has performed in film, theater, television and radio. He is best known for his roles in The Imitation Game and Sherlock. He was also the voice of Smaug in Peter Jackson's 3-part film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, which was good but too damn short! In 2014, he opened up about sexual experimentation during his time in boarding schools, stating, “Sure, there was experimentation, but it never occurred to me as, ‘Oh, this is that!' You know, it was just boys and their penises.”
You know who else went to boarding school?
Seth MacFarlane.
And what's he famous for?
Family Guy.
And what's the name of the baby in that show?
Stewie.
And what does that sound like?
Stew.
And you know what goes great in stew?
Vegetables.
And what's an example of a vegetable?
Red bell peppers.
And what color are red bell peppers?
Red.
And what else is Red?
Morgan Freeman, in The Shawshank Redemption.
And do you know where Morgan Freeman is from?
Memphis.
And what else is in Memphis?
Coletta's Italian Restaurant.
And what are they known for?
Eggplant parmigiana.
Boom.
Pretty freaky.