Please check the appropriate box below, so that we, The United States Government, know why you chose to vote in the most recent election last Tuesday. Your answer will remain strictly confidential.*
? Guilt.
? A particularly factual attack ad.
? Free chocolate macadamia nut cookies from the local PTA!
? No football on Tuesday. (MOST POPULAR OPTION)
? You slowed down when you saw Henderson Dental's 40-foot tall political billboard. Then you Googled the candidate's platform and finally decided to make an illegal U-turn and go vote. All while holding up traffic on County Road E. ASSHOLE!
? To get the stupid sticker so Margaret from the office will shut up about "Civic Duty."
? Writing in "Pee Wee Herman" makes you feel alive once every two years. Sometimes four years when the election cycles line up that way đ đ
? To flirt with vulnerable wives who recently engaged in vicious political arguments with their husbands.
? You thought this was the Lays "Do Us a Flavor" vote.
? The voting booth is a nice, safe place to cry.
? Civics 301 extra credit.
? Stacy wants an Instagram of the hilarious title, "Clark County Judge Harry Dixon."
? You want to get video of an elected official committing the most hilarious gaffes for you to watch over and over at work.
Judge Harry Dixon also has a big dixionary.
*Maybe. Well, probably. I mean, unless we can find a good reason to use it against you. Not YOU, personally, per se, just you as a collective citizenry.