There are plenty of reasons to undergo a home renovation. Perhaps your family has grown and you need more space. Maybe you’re trying to increase your property value with the expectation of selling down the line. Or maybe your scary ass house is haunted as fuck and you believe that the ghosts will be confined to only the original areas of the house, and not be able to enter into the renovated areas. Whatever your reasons, you decided to hire some outside help to get the job done.
However, much to your dismay, when the remodeling contractors informed you they had finished, you discovered that all they did was put a bunch of wolf figurines all over the house. And not even nice ceramic ones or anything. I’m talking about those cheap plastic ones you get in craft stores.
On the surface, this may seem horrible. You just spent tens of thousands of dollars for something that probably cost maybe sixty bucks, tops. But if you look deeper, you'll find that there are some positives to the situation in which you now find yourself.
You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den”
Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad. “The Wolf’s Den” is a nickname that just rolls off the tongue, and it’s going to make your home the go-to space for social gatherings.
“Let’s host the networking event at the Wolf’s Den!” “The party at The Wolf’s Den has been cancelled, as we have a cockroach infestation and the house is getting fumigated.” “Who wants to come to the Wolf’s Den and drink a bunch of brews out of bowls, you know, the way a wolf would.” These are just some of the amazing things that you’ll now have the privilege to say. Congratulations.
It’s Going to Make Your Home Safer
Let’s say I’m a burglar. I’m wearing traditional burglar garb: a black and white striped shirt, a black wool cap, and a mask that covers absolutely nothing except my eyes. I slip into your house and start rubbing my hands together, smiling with delight as I see all the expensive items that I plan to load into my giant sack with a dollar sign on it. (Also, in this fictional scenario, stealing things provides me with something of a sexual thrill, making it all the more difficult for me refrain from the activity, no matter how much I want to).
Then I see all those wolf figurines.
Immediately, I’m going to start wondering if there is a real wolf lurking around somewhere. Fear now overpowers me, driving away the tingling sexual energy that flowed through my loins only moments ago. I turn and run out of the house, crisis averted, all thanks to those badass figurines.
You Will Make the Remodeling Contractors Very Happy if You Say You Like Their Work
You’ve just seen all these wolf figurines. The contractors are looking at you, saying, “You hate it, don’t you?” Also, their lower lips are quivering like they’re about to cry. Are you really going to tell them that you hate what they have just put all their hard work into? What kind of a heartless piece of shit are you? Tell them you love it and it’s very good. Maybe say something about how it wasn’t what you expected, but it’s what you needed. Pair that with a little anecdote about how you met your current spouse at a time in your life when you weren’t looking to get romantically involved with anyone, but love found you, much like how these wolf figurines have now appeared in your life. This is the moral thing to do.
You Are Legally Allowed to Commit One Crime During a Full Moon If You Own More Than 50 Wolf Toys
This is probably the best part of having all those wolf figurines. First, a government official must come to your home and verify that you actually own the 50 items and then you’ll have to wait 2-3 weeks until you get your Full Moon Crime Permit in the mail, of course, but after that, all bets are off, baby. Murder, arson, copyright infringement, whatever you want; as long as the crime occurs while there is a full moon overhead, you are 100% allowed to do it.