I, [parent/guardian], give my child permission to participate in Lincoln Middle School’s Youth in Government Field Trip at the United States Capitol Building on Thursday, May 1st, 2025, where they will be given an interactive, all-encompassing introduction to a life in public service.
By stepping into the shoes of real-life policymakers, students will come away with a more accurate understanding of what it means to work in government.
Trip Itinerary
8:00 AM — Upon arrival at the House Chamber, your child will take an official oath of office.
8:05 AM — Your child will uncross their fingers.
8:30 AM — Your child will deliver a speech plagiarizing another student.
8:35 AM — During a press conference, your child will vehemently deny passing off another student’s writing as their own.
9:00 AM — Your child will filibuster on the House floor, demanding Principal Gaddis play explicit versions of songs at the upcoming dance.
9:30 AM — Your child will make a statement recognizing the sovereignty of Ms. Madow’s 6th grade class.
10:00 AM — It will be revealed that your child has vast financial holdings in Ms. Madow’s class, calling their integrity into question for the second time that morning.
10:30 AM — Facing pressure from chaperones, your child will betray their grass-roots base, walking back their support for free pizza at the school dance.
11:00 AM — After voting for legislation to subsidize the fruit snack industry, your child will trade their Flavor-Blasted Goldfish for a pouch of Welch’s Fruit Snacks.
11:30 AM — A photo will surface of your child kissing Josie Perkins on a dare even though they already asked Annabelle Wright to the dance. Your child will announce a retreat from public life to focus on things at home.
12:00 PM — Your child will share a sack lunch with a lobbyist.
12:30 PM — The school bully will nominate your child for Speaker of the House, and they’ll spinelessly accept the position because it’s just another step in their tyrannical pursuit of becoming Yearbook Editor.
1:00 PM — After running out of per diem, your child will unwisely accept financial help from their Russian pen pal.
1:30 PM — Your child will offer their thoughts and prayers to a student who was hit in the face during dodgeball but will reaffirm their support of those who carry dodgeballs for self-defense purposes.
2:00 PM — In an effort to revitalize their image and reconcile things with Annabelle Wright, your child will stage a PR stunt in which they performatively give up their spot as Line Leader.
2:30 PM — Just when they start to earn back their classmates’ trust, your child will mispronounce “Uyghur” live on MSNBC, reigniting concerns about their mental fitness.
3:00 PM — Despite calls for their resignation, your child will vow to attend next year’s Youth in Government field trip.