Nate is typing live below using this Cover It Live app. Click “Watch Now” or the play button to follow along, and send him comments or questions during the game.
NOTE: Below is the entire transcript, including pre-game commentary before we got the Cover It Live thing up and running.
5:59 PM
In roughly 2 hours, I will begin liveblogging the broadcast of the 2009 MLB All Star Game. So get ready for awesomeness.
And, in case reading this while watching a pointless baseball game isn't enough to do it for you, may I suggest the following three drinking games.
1. Every time you see The Gateway Arch take a shot.
2. Every time you hear that the NL hasn't won this game in a long time take a shot.
3. Every time I drink a beer (and I will let you know because I'm good like that) take a shot.
See you in a few. I'll be the guy doing the geeky blog thing. Shirtless and in my underwear.
6:26
Called the girlfriend and told her what I was doing tonight. She very quickly made other plans. Apparently, this activity represents two of her least favorite things: baseball and me paying her no attention.
7:16
My girlfriend just called. Her stalker recently stole her camera. I haven't had a girlfriend without a stalker in what seems like a decade. Some guys are freaking ridiculous. I mean, how can you not get it that stupidly? Is he really thinking, "I know she'll love me if I break into her house and sniff her underwear while she's at work." I would just love to know what kind of brain is behind that kind of logic. Or maybe I wouldn't.
Actually… I wouldn't.
7:35
I just bought a popsicle from the ice cream man. I graduated college almost ten years ago. I'm a normal guy. I promise. At least I think I promise.
8:00
Ten seconds in, and the FOX folks are already kissing St. Louis's ass. "Baseball is a part of this city's soul." I lived there fourteen years and I'm pretty sure that city's collective soul is primarily hooked to salted meats.
8:02
First arch shot. First call from my Dad. He says the whole city is shut down (including the interstates) thanks to Obama, who's here to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.
8:03
Obama is the coolest guy in a room full of professional baseball players. He really is a hard guy to hate.
Commercial: May you stay forever young. I actually don't hate that ad.
8:07
Second arch shot. I'm putting the arch shot over/under at twenty.
8:08
Victor Martinez brought his son out for the introductory ceremonies. That kinda bothers me. I mean, I'm glad you love your kid, Vic, but I really really don't care that you managed to succesfully reproduce.
8:09
Beer numero uno. It's a Hornsby's Amber, Only the best for a liveblog.
8:10
All Cubs are booed in St. Louis. All ex Cardinals are cheered. It's in the city bylaws. No joke.
8:15
Watching Charlie Manuel run gave me a charlie horse. Seriously, who's making him run?
8:25
We're experiencing technical difficulties. I talked to Sully and he's gonna install something so I can get to insulting the fact that every former president and our current one have nothing better to do than a voice over for an exhibition game. America… America… God done spread his grace on thee…
8:27
They just showed a grown man crying over this in his Busch stadium seat. A grown damn man. I don't wanna believe it. I will not believe it. And you can't make me. Where's my beer?
8:29
Third arch shot. Did you know St. Louis had a giant arch in it? True story.
8:31
I didn't know Chryl Crow was from Missouri. And I still don't care. Excuse me while I stand for the anthem. Is it disrespectful to stand for the anthem in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts? I sure hope not because I'm doing it.
8:38
working?
8:43
Fitting that Sully applied this new app to my liveblog while Obama threw out the first pitch. Change is here bitches.
And Tim McCarver is here. Hope you brought your asprin.
8:45
Sully is not watching this game. I think he's a commie. After all, he cancelled his cable. Completely un American.
8:47
They mowed a freaking arch in the outfield. Jeez guys. It's just one monument. Let it the hell go.
8:48
This new app is kind of weird but it takes a little pressure off me. I can post much faster. Sorry for the delay so let me recap: Pujols was cheered loudly, Stan the Man was a great ballplayer and Tim McCarver is a blithering idiot. Now you're up to speed.
8:48
Lincecum's arm is not bionic. I'm pretty sure McCarver doesn't know what bionic means.
8:49
And finally. Let's start this game.
8:50
That foul ball was bionic. Announcer Joe Buck (McCarver's partner) calls it a "long strike one" hitting our first cliche of the game. That didn't take long.
8:52
Lincecum hangs a curve ball to Ichiro, Jeter comes to the plate and the NL immediately contracts herpes. That guy is potent.
8:53
Way to start Bionic Boy. He beans Jeter. I think Lincecum's a little angry about the VD
8:54
Mauer's up, the AL is ready to continue its reign of All Star shit kicking and I'm going for beer number two.
8:56
Two on, no one out and Lincecum looks like sht. Meanhwile, Buck points out that unlike other All Star fans, the St. Louis fans are actually INTO this game. Because we're better than everyone else in the world. Shut up Joe
8:57
Nice play by Yadier Molina to keep the double play ball live. Wright pulls Pujols off the bag with a crap throw and the Cardinal fans erect a statue to Pujols while he's busy making an error to allow the first AL run on what would have been a double play ball. Way to represent the league Big Poo.
8:57
1-0 AL. That didn't take long.
8:58
Christ. Another hit. I don't think Lincecum knows his arm is bionic. Maybe Tim McCarver should tell him.
8:59
2-0 as Lincecum fails to field his position. I think the NL went out drinking last night. St. Louis has some of the best strip clubs in America. Believe that. ‘Cause I know it to be true.
9:00
I need a smoke. What a shitty start. At least I'll always stay forever young.
9:04
Okay, McCarver just called Halladay both an Ibeam and "the buoy " of the Blue Jays. Tim doesn't know what words mean. It's part of his charm. Hanley Ramirez grounds out.
9:05
Chase Utley chases one high and outside. I am wit personified. I am the buoy of wit. I am wit's I beam.
9:06
2 outs. Time for Pujols to make up for his error by hitting a Roy Halladay fastball into left center field. It's what he does.
9:07
When did Pujols exacty become better than A-Rod? Can we get a date on this? Because Buck and McCarver are sure it happened. And they're never wrong. They're the buoy of right.
9:08
Everyone in America except me and my mom take pills for every damn thing. I wish everyone would stop eating these things, go crazy, lose their erections and die. More for us.
9:10
Some chick named Justine just asked what my favoirte MLB team is. Justine is not a regular reader of PIC. It's the Cards baby.
9:10
[Comment From justine] what is your favorite team?9:11
See, I told you she asked.
9:11
Court Sullivan: Hahaha, i'm a slow producer apparently.
9:11
Get off my stage, Boss.
9:12
Court Sullivan: *sulks away, rally cap on too early*
9:12
Okay, so one out NL on a ground ball to Hanley Ramirez as Roy Halladay tries to bat for the AL. Pitchers can't hit. And AL pitchers don't have to. So this should be an out.
9:12
It's an out.
9:13
Yeah so Court is in charge of seeing what questions make the blog. I think. I don't know what I'm doing. So nothing's new. Inchiro is up and just generally looking wiry and Japanese.
9:14
Alright. One two and then three. That's better than giving up two runs. In case you're new here on Earth.
9:15
Sully is on the phone. We're working out kinks. Kinks are being worked out.
9:18
Obama's being interviewed. He's a White Sox fan. In case you didn't know.
9:19
I'd pay thirty bucks for Obama to say, "Baseball sucks compared to basketball. You crackers play a dumbass British game." Okay, mabe forty.
9:22
And David Wright hits a bloop single but doesn't come close to interrupting the interviiew. Good thing. Wouldn't want baseball to get in the way of the All Star game.
9:22
Victorino, a player from Hawaii (did you know Obama's from Hawaii?) gets a basehit and temporarily interrupts the interview. What a jerk.
9:23
mcCarver blames the DH for making he AL better in the Allstar game. Even though they've won for twelve straight years and they only get the DH every other year. Obama looked at Tim like Tim's an idiot. Tim's an idiot.
9:24
Yadier Molina hits a basehit with two on and thanks to a throwing erro, ties the game. The Obama interview is just falling apart.
9:25
And the NL takes the lead on a slap by PH Prince Fielder, the fattest guy named Prince in the NL. True story.
9:26
Hanley Ramirez ends the interview. Maybe the announcers will watch the game now.
9:30
Cardinals closer Ryan Franklin and his beard get Jeter to ground out.
9:30
Only closers can grow beards like that and not be homeless and/or in drug influenced bands.
9:31
Please please please stop interviewing players and managers during the games, FOX. Don't make me kill someone.
9:32
Time for beer three.
9:33
Two nice plays by Pujols to end the uno dos tres inning for Franklin and his beard, both of whom probably want a beer.
9:33
Ah, beer!
9:34
I gotta do it. Franklin's beard is the buoy of the Cardinals bullpen. It is the I Beam of the Cardinals cliched heart.
9:36
Mark Buehrle is, according to McCarver, "A thorough professional." Do I really need a joke here?
9:37
Big Poo grounds out again. We should trade that guy. He's barely better than A-Rod.
9:39
And we go to the top of the fourth. The NL is up by one run after the one two three inning by Buehrle. My back is starting to hurt. This kind of writing is toll taking I tell you. I have a toll and it is being taken,
9:40
So if you hate this cover it live thing let me know. The writing looks kind of small and I'm sure most of you are two drunk to handle that.
9:41
Or maybe you're just one drunk to handle that.
9:42
I feel like Buck's announcing a Cardinal game here. He keeps making references to deals and local boys that only Cards fans and other avids really care about
9:43
And Dan HAren interrupts the interview with Mark Buehrle with a wild pitch that Molina caught. Molina's good. He's like an Allstar or something.
9:44
2 out rip for Michael Young, in because Longoria's a wuss. McCarver's explaining something now. And he's making me dumber.
9:44
[Comment From Cait] I prefer this over listening to Joe Buck.9:44
Thanks Cait.
9:47
And we go into the bottom of the fourth. The announcers are douchebags, the score is three to two, I have three beers left and I will remain forever young, but not forever Michael Young. That's his job.
9:48
GI Joe is a movie now. Originality is, unfortunately, a thing of the past. On the bright side, I'm still in my underwear.
9:49
Four, five and six arch shots. Wait, there's the seventh. Driunk up kids.
9:50
forever Michael Young fields a pop from Raul Ibanez after Zack "Get me my Paxil" Grienke pops in for his inning. Good to see Zack stopped wearing eyeliner. I was worried.
9:51
i think social anxiety disorders can best be summed up by the phrase, "People suck ass and I can't deal with it." But I'm an insensitive jerk.
9:51
Wright looks at strike three and laughs all the way to the bank. Asshat.
9:52
Shane Victorino's from Hawaii. No kidding?
9:53
Wow. We're already in the fifth. Slow this game down already. Any faster and we won't have time for interviews.
9:55
Another arch shot. Drink up and toast the only building in St. Louis
9:56
Chad Billingsley, who has the same name as my accountant (no joke) is into pitch to Carl Crawford who laces a single. Let' see if he runs against Yadi. I bet he does.
9:57
I was at the game CC stole those six bases. He stole so many that I missed one while I was talking to a chick. CC is that good.
9:58
Buck wants Crawford to pull his pants up. I don't need a joke there.
9:59
Nice play by Utley to get the Craw man from the hole. McCarver said he had to cope with that hole. McCarver needs a dictionary.
10:00
Obama called Jeter "old" before this game. Even Obama hates Jeter. Sweet.
10:02
Big Poo gets the lead runner while I take a Big Pee. Hey, this beer has to go somewhere.
10:04
Mauer ties it with a basehit because Billingsley does't know a writeoff when he sees it. 3-3.
10:06
Big Poo with a Big Play to end the inning. If he gets hurt in this game, I will punch my icecream man (he's always bitching about how his AC never works like I give a shit about his problems).
10:09
Edwin Jackson gets Yadier Molina to ground out as all eleven rays fans punch something inanimate.
10:10
Zimmerman, the batter, has a name that translates into Room Man. And now you know…
10:11
And after Ramirez grounds out, we move ot the sixth, First pitch wasn't but ninety minutes ago. For a FOX televised ballgame with many shifts and switches, this game is moving., Time for beer four.
10:13
Girlfriend just called to compare my ass to Kevin Costner's ass. Yeah. she loves baseball.
10:16
Trevor Hoffman gives up a hit gets the DP and keeps the game a moving. I don't even have time to remind Girlfriend that I'm busy.
10:20
Wow. Orlando Hudson wasted no time making that out. Here comes Big Poo to face Felix Hernandez. I am on the edge of my fourth beer. Go Poo!
10:21
Poo goes 0-3. I hope Obama' okay with that. They hugged earlier. Seemed kinda close.
10:23
Weird shot of a creepy bald guy in a suit for no real reason I can think of. NL goes one two three. I think we're heading to the seventh but GF is still dealing with stalker issues so I been typing with one hand while talking to her. Forgive me. Or don't. See if I give a shit.
(Note: I don't give a shit.)
10:25
The last two commericals here were local. What's the ratings share on this? .2?
10:26
Pujols walks off after making an error and going 0-3. He doesn't seem to care though which is good because neither do I. It's the Allstar game baby, apathy reigns.
10:27
Stop interviewing people during the goddamn game. Pujols is happy to be here? Really? happy to play an Allstar ganme in his home stadium? I figured he'd be pissed. There's a game going on fucktards!
10:29
Cordero's one strike away from ending the half and they just purt up his stats. He gets a line out and we go to the seventh inning stretch in the STL or as the locals call it, "Last call!"
10:29
God Bless America. Or we will bomb you!
10:34
Another Arch shot. I've lost count. I may be drunk (found some Jaeger in the freezer)
10:34
CC robs Brad Hawpoe with a beauty catch off a Papelbon fastball. DAMN!
10:35
Another warning track shot for an out. This game will be over before my beer. Jeez.
10:38
The count is full with two outs and shitty Brian McCann on deck as Jayson Werth actually sees a few pitches. You're slowing down the pace Jayson! Swing away dammit.
10:39
Werth Ks and we go to the eighth with a tie game. If history is any indication, this is where the AL takes it over.
10:42
CC's catch is the Flomax replay of the game. Flomax, for all your urinary tract needs. Jesus!
10:43
Bartlett grounds out. There's a new pitcher and some new position players but I don't care anymore. And I imagine that you don't either. Jaeger anyone?
10:44
Curtis Granderson, who's not only an outfielder but also a blogger, rips a triple to help prove my point that this is when the AL takes over. I hate being right sometimes. Sometimes I really do.
10:46
Intentionally walking an Allstar is dumb. The AL just gets Allstar games better than the NL. Let's walk the next guy too. Heath Bell is your pitcher, Adam Jones is your batter and I am your drunk blogger. Woo!
10:47
0-2 on Jones, runners on the corner, tie game, Youklis on deck and I'm going for beer five,
10:47
Pablo just asked me if it's time for a shot yet. Pablo, I am toasting you as I type.
10:49
Jones hits the sac fly. It's 4-3 AL. 2 outs. McCarver described Jones atbat as "Gritty." I thought it was grungy but I may be wasted.
10:49
[pablo] Thanks for the heads up NAte, Live Blogging is the Shit!!10:51
Court's asleep so I'm cutting and pasting. Zobrist is up and Palo may be as drunk as I am. I'm taking a smoke break. I'll recap this inning when I get back. Fucking AL!
10:52
[Comment From pablo] Thanks for the heads up NAte, Live Blogging is the Shit!!10:56
Joe Nathan is pitching! About time we had another Allstar with two first names. Fred Lynn is in the house and recognizin!
10:56
Court Sullivan: Are there any Russian baseball players? I want to have a white Russian and I need somebody to drink to…
10:57
McCann pops up and looks exactly like I used to in Little League. Sack of shit shoulder dipping waste of space!
10:57
2 outs. Court, I can't think of any Russian Ballplayers. Probably a climate thing.
10:59
Although Court, you reminded me of an old umpire joke.. An umpirecalls a balk cuz a pitcher don't come set and tells the pitcher, "You're rushin'" And the pitcher says, ‘Come on Blue. I'm from Poland."
11:00
A shot of Bud Selig getting off the phone with the Devil.
11:01
Nathan gives up a walk and the NL has an opportunity to blow like a succesful whore…
11:02
Court, you can toast to some minor leaguers according to Cait.
11:03
Wait, Cait had a debate at work about Russian ballplayers? Cait, do you work at a hockey rink?
11:04
Ryan Howard. Two on. Two out. Howard is from my neck of the woods. I umpired him once when he was 13. I hope he does it. St. Louis will go wild!
11:05
Cait works at AAA. Only Russian pop in this country are in NJ or Detroit. So you can bet she's round there.
11:06
2-2 to Howard, Stolen base gave the pitcher a reason to walk. Howard ain't the most patient…
11:06
And Cait works in NJ! I win! At life!
11:06
Howard strikes out. The NL sucks. At life!
11:07
[Comment From Cait]Viacheslav Vasilyev and Andrei Lobanov are on Twins' farm team but that's it
11:07
[Comment From Cait]** We just had a big debate at work about Russians in the MLB
11:07
[Comment From Cait]Yup, NJ.
11:09
[Comment From Cait]Don't you have a game to watch?
11:10
The Mercedes assist of the game was not an assist. That bothers me.
11:12
The only thing the NL has going for them is that Mariano Rivera is in the pen and remembers Elvis.
11:12
Werth with a good catch. As we head to the bottom of the ninth. At least the game's not a blowout. Let's have some fun here.
11:14
Time for the last beer. The Jaeger's gone. Please God, no extra innings.
11:16
Upton takes a chunk of meat for a strike.
11:16
McCarver gives us post season stats like they matter in an Allstar game.
11:17
2-1 count. And Joe Torre looks like he misses Mariano as Bartlett gets Upton at first. 2 outs to go.
11:18
1-2 count on Hawpe. Maybe he'll hit a dong
11:19
McCarver just referred to a pitch as "relentless." It's one pitch Tim! Learn the language duder.
11:20
Hawpe is K'd and we can end this before I finish my last beer. It's all up to Tejada
11:20
Tejada is kinda "lied about my age" old.
11:20
[Comment From Cait]Please let your liver live through this game, your blog keeps me entertained at work.
11:21
Tejada pops out, my liver lives and this is finally over, I need a blowjob, Thanks for reading!