Well, it took a few months, but the Associated Press has finally released an article about Captain Core. And, as is typical for our fair and balanced media, most of it is biased bullshit. Fortunately for y'all though, I reached into that bullshit, found a kernel of truth and washed it thoroughly before serving it to you.
So without further ado, I offer to you the recent AP article on Ron Paul, featuring regular interruptions by me. Because it's my damn blog.
Ron Paul remains longshot for GOP Nom
By LIZ AUSTIN PETERSON, Associated Press Writer
AUSTIN, Texas – Ron Paul may be the political butterfly of the 2008 presidential campaign. An obscure congressman from Southeast Texas for most of his political career, Paul has metamorphosed into the favorite of those looking for a candidate outside the political mainstream.
Yeah, that's it. There's a whole bunch of people saying, “Hey, I want a candidate outside the mainstream, you know, like No Use for a Name used to be before they sold out.” It couldn't have anything to do with his message of freedom. Oh, and while we're here, what the hell is a political butterfly? I wish I'd paid more attention to politics when I was growing up.
Legions of die-hard fans formed across the country after Republican candidate debates and Internet blogs exposed his contrarian views.
I love the use of language in the above. I mean, the internet blogs didn't convey his message of freedom. They exposed his contrarian views. Sounds like a crime, don't it? Oh, and exactly to what are his views contrary? I hate this language sometimes.
Paul, 71, remains one of the longest of long shots for the GOP nomination, but that hasn't deterred supporters from making cold calls to voters in early contest states, plastering the Internet with plaudits, and loudly challenging Paul's White House rivals at campaign stops.
Oh my God, he's a longshot and he's still? gulp? campaigning. What balls. It's like he's running for President or something.
“I honestly believe that Congressman Ron Paul, as crazy as it might sound, I believe he is the father of the modern Republican Party,” said Jason Stoddard, 31, an Austin, Texas, entrepreneur who has no formal ties to Paul's campaign but has made more than a thousand calls to Iowa voters urging their support.
Jason, why did you have to use the word, crazy? His Coreness Ron Paul has enough people calling him crazy, right now. Choose your words better, Jason. Goddamn insensitive motherfucker.
The enthusiasm of admirers like Stoddard has boosted Paul's national profile and helped his campaign raise $3 million over the past three months ? a fraction of the double-digit millions chalked up by the top-tier candidates, but a respectable sum for an underdog.
This is the kind of reporting I like. He has raised a respectable sum for an underdog. For a favorite though, his sum is not worthy of respect. This is unbiased reporting at its best. I love this country.
That enthusiasm, however, hasn't translated into widespread support in presidential polls for Paul, who was a Libertarian Party candidate for president two decades ago and is best known as a champion of small government, low taxes and minimal foreign intervention.
Gotta make sure you slip libertarian in there. Just so all the republicans know they're not supposed to vote for Paul.
National opinion polls of Republican primary voters generally show his support at about 2 percent. And while he's accumulated a cache of campaign dollars, Paul's not spending most of it. He has spent just $650,000 this year, the third-least of all 2008 presidential candidates, according to federal campaign finance reports.
Hey lady, it ain't a sprint. It's a marathon.
“Most of the oxygen is being taken up, especially on the Republican side, by those who look like they might have a prayer of winning in a Democratic year,” said University of Texas political scientist Bruce Buchanan.
As a political idiot, I have nothing to say about that paragraph. So I'll just take advantage of this opportunity to say that I also use oxygen. And don't like to see most of it being taken up by anyone.
An obstetrician-gynecologist and former Air Force flight surgeon, Paul stands out from the other Republican candidates on several scores, including his long-held opposition to the Iraq war. As a result, he might benefit from President Bush's near-record unpopularity and the growing public discontent with the war, said Michael Tanner, a policy analyst at the libertarian Cato Institute in Washington.
Ummm? that seemed like a fair and logical assessment. Who let that paragraph slip in?
But potential supporters may find some of the 10-term congressman's other views more difficult to accept, including calls for a return to the gold standard and a radically smaller government with no Education Department, Energy Department or Internal Revenue Service. 
Now, I agree with all the above paragraph's aforementioned goals, but does anyone out there really have any idea how long that shit would take to get passed into law? Let's just vote for His Coreness, let him end the war, lower taxes, decrease spending and eliminate the Patriot Act. That's enough for one term. Let's not get all up in the gold standard, no-education-department talk. I think it would make America better, but it would take like fifty years of Ron Paul to make it happen. One thing at a time, people.
Paul also is just as likely to turn off as many voters as he turns on with positions that straddle both liberal and conservative camps. He opposes the death penalty and votes against military appropriations. He also opposes abortion and gun control. He's known on Capitol Hill as “Dr. No.”
You gotta love a guy who opposes the death penalty and gun control. There's a man who believes in the power of the people right there.
Paul spokesman Jesse Benton acknowledged that Paul has formidable challenges to overcome before the first votes for the nomination are cast in about five months. The campaign just bought its first radio ads in Iowa and New Hampshire and has nearly tripled its staff to 25 in the past month.
And I saw a Ron Paul bumper sticker on an SUV the other day! This campaign is taking off.
“We realize the odds are still pretty long for Dr. Paul, but we think that Ron is a real legitimate player now that people are starting to pay attention,” Benton said.
As comedian Stephen Colbert put it when Paul appeared in June on his mock right-wing talk show, “You are an enigma wrapped in a riddle nestled in a sesame seed bun of mystery.”
What. The. Fuck?
I mean, we're not talking about some freaky being from another planet. We're talking about a guy who believes in representing the people by enforcing the constitution. If that's the kind of concept the American people find mysterious, well, I don't think we've got a shot in hell of preserving personal liberties.
Oh, and The Colbert Report kicks ass.
But we all knew that.
Labels: ron_paul