I recently had to talk about my gum chewing for some market research. The prompt was, “when and why did you start chewing your gum?”
I don't think they were expecting what I wrote.
How did I meet Trident? Pull up a chair, son, this one’s good.
*Lights cigarette*
“It was a warm morning, the kind of morning that tantalizes you with the residue of a summer all but gone. I was a young, cocksure kid – barely twenty at the time. Trident? She’d been around since 1960, chewed and spit out by countless mouths, seeing and feeling things I could only read about in brown-bagged magazines.
*Throws away cigarette, because I don’t smoke*
Despite the fact that she’d been around the block (and probably to a few others as well), there was something that drew me to her. Was it the promise of a good time, a long-lasting flavor that took longer to shake than those of her fellow gums? Partly. Was it her new, fancy get-up, sleek and blue, showing that, when she wanted to, the old girl cleaned up nice? That was probably part of it. But the truth of the matter is, I couldn’t tell you exactly why I chose Trident, and I’m ok with that. I knew from the first time I got past that admittedly stiff exterior that I’d found a gum for me. A gum I could build something with.
How often do I find Trident in my mouth? Maybe three times a day, and I like to take her two at a time. Sometimes three, if my mouth is particularly lonely. I do it when I need that extra mintiness. I do it when I need my to satisfy my oral fixation, and sometimes, I do it just because it feels nice.
She’s easy to handle, has a subdued yet vibrant flavor, and with Trident, I know it’s going to last me a good amount of time. I don’t hate any part of Trident; there’s not much to hate. Sometimes, though, she can get a little boring. Routine. Staid.
I know your question, and the answer is yes. I’ve strayed. I’ve tasted other gums, and I’d like to think they’ve tasted me.
I’m talking about Stride. What can I say? She was young, exciting. I’d heard somewhere that she was related to Trident. And I enjoyed it. I’m not going to lie, I liked the flavor. Could I be that guy though? In my mind, the kind of guy who chews Stride regularly does so while listening to The Bravery on his iPhone. And he doesn’t even like the Bravery. It’s a new gum – an upstart – with its sleek swoosh and metallic packaging. A younger Trident, and I’m not ready to trade my old girl in. Maybe soon, but not yet.
Three words about Stride? New. Bold. Sassy. Need I explain? Everybody knows that Stride is new – she flaunts it, even. And she’s not afraid to go bold. Less sugar? Boom, enter Stride. Good for your teeth? Stride’s all over that. Sassy packaging? I don’t even need to tell you where Stride stands on that.
She has associates outside of the gum world, too. iMacs? Yeah, they hang out with Stride. Stride drinks coffee at Starbucks, when she doesn’t feel like buying her own from Whole Foods. She continually updates to the latest versions of AIM, and hasn’t touched Internet Explorer once since Firefox came out.
Stride’s homepage is Digg.
And this, perhaps, is why I’m not a Stride guy. Why we’re not serious – yet. She’s still a little too new, too trendy. We’ll see if she has the staying power I need. Will she another strident, flash-in-the-pan gum? Or a Trident?
Time will tell.
Chew on that.
I do like the way she’s all dressed up though. Ol’ T could learn a thing or two.
Labels: gum