I get fifteen paid vacation days a year. I take off to see my family every summer and over Christmas break. I use the rest for the occasional festival or for-me-fun vacation. I used to take off one day a year for the Spelling Bee but I stopped thanks to TIVO.
But, much like a crazy ex-girlfriend who's great in bed, I couldn't keep the spelling bee on hold any longer. Today, I should be at work. But I'm watching the semi-finals of the bee live on ESPN.
The bee's come a long way. It used to be played late at night on delay. Now it's live, top-flight viewing. Bill Simmons once called the spelling bee the most secretly enjoyable televised event. He's right. The Bee kicks ass.
My favorite spelling bee moment came eleven years ago (man am I getting old) when the last three finalists all failed on the word, Dulcinea, which happened to be the name of the street I lived on at the time. So there I was, in my old college apartment with two roommates and a few friends, all of whom knew how to spell Dulcinea. Imagine, if you will, three drunk idiots who couldn't spell to save their asses making fun of three little geniuses for not knowing how to spell a word that those public university doofuses put on their mail at least once a week. Good times. Good times.
Like all children who were deemed not-too-stupid by whoever deems that stuff in the world of public education, I participated in my seventh grade spelling bee.
I took third out of over a hundred kids. I got beat by two Asians, who, years later, would be asked to stand with me in honor of our academic performance in high school. I spent my high school graduation on a beach in Florida so I missed the event but well, if life has taught me anything it's that most Asians are smarter than me.
The spelling bee can be turned into a drinking game with total ease. If you want to kill yourself, do a shot every time someone says “language of origin.” If you just want to get nice and plastered, do a shot every time someone gets bumped off. Either way, it's a fun time.
One of the things that people forget about the human brain is that the basic stuff pretty much dies out in your noggin as you age. So, these kids competing are arguably the best at their craft at any age. They're like sponges absorbing a relatively useless mess with ease. We're watching masterful mofos when we watch the spelling bee live.
That being said, I received a text message request from reader USF Ian, who wants me to live blog the bee. And if I'm sober, that's how I'll be spending my Friday night.
Man, I'm a dork.
Quick note: Canada has just been eliminated from the spelling bee. Clearly, they are under-representing their Asian population.