The title isn't a ploy to get you to read this. I assure you that you actually don't care at all about what I'm writing. It's mostly inane sports ramblings with only the most fleeting flirtations with relevance or interest. Considering how few and far between these nuggets of salience are, the only logical conclusion is that they are accidental.
Lets move on.
First, the awards.
AL Cy Young:
This is the easiest of the four major awards. The obvious choice is the right choice, by pretty much any metric. Cliff Lee leads the league in ERA, Wins, and VORP and is second in Innings Pitched to Roy Halladay. Halladay deserves a nod for a terrific season in which he faced tougher hitters than Lee (to the tune of something like .036 points in OPS), but again, this one isn't really up for debate. Lee will win it, and he should.
I don't know why there would be any K-Rod apologists, but the man has had 70 save chances. He hasn't had a save of more than one inning all year. His season is noteworthy only for the number of opportunities he got.
AL MVP:
There's a very good argument to be made for Dusty Pedragqueen. He plays on the best team in the league (by run differential), he's been worth nearly 10 wins to the Sox, he's 3rd in the league in VORP behind two players on third place teams (A-Rod and Grady).
Still, fuck him and the horse he rode in on. It would be a very defensible choice, but for some reason I just don't like his face. It makes me want to break into his car and change the radio presets so he's forced to listen to Christian Rock. It makes me want to sneak in ahead of him in Arby's and then take forever just to order an iced-tea (Arby's food is pretty awful, am I right?). It makes me want to call his girlfriend. Not for anything malicious, you know. Just to chat. Then, she'll realize that he NEVER just talks to her anymore. She won't leave him, obviously – the man is a professional athlete who stands a chance of being MVP. But she will nag him a little bit more, which I think is a victory for our side.
So I'm going with Joe Mauer. He's going to win a batting title (not that it means much), has essentially the same WARP, and is likely only behind in VORP because of this position. He also catches a pretty solid staff, for whatever that's worth. Also, I'm amused by those commercials with him and Johnny Damon.
NL Cy Young
As impressive as Johan has been, and as dominant as Webb started, I'm giving the nod to Tim Lincecum.
*nods at Tim Lincecum*
*realizes that a picture on the internet can't see him*
*realizes, more embarrassingly, that he's actually nodding at a picture of Cole Hamels*
What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, Lincecum. Webb gets more than 5 runs a game of support, has a lower VORP and a higher DERA. As far as Santana goes…it's ridiculously close. Santana has fewer strikeouts, but also fewer walks. A few more innings pitched, at a similar level. Slightly lower ERA, worse record.
You really can't go wrong either way, but this would be Tim's first, so the why the heck not?
NL MVP
This is really, to be honest, the reason I started writing this. I was reading arguments for Ryan Howard and they made my brain sad.
I can pretty safely say, without hyperbole, that if you think Ryan Howard should win the NL MVP, you are an awful person and prone to evil deeds. Lets look at the case FOR Ryan Howard first:
48 HRs, 146 RsBI.
Impressive, right? Until you realize the RsBI is essentially entirely a product of what team you're on, that he's 5th in VORP on HIS OWN TEAM, that he has a VORP that is, in fact, lower than Derek Jeter's, that his OBP is below .340, and that oh, yeah, he plays in the same league as Alberto Curochio Pujols-Martinez.
I could go into a long list of numbers, but I'll put it simply: He's been worth 8 less wins than Pujols this season. I.e., if you switched Ryan Howard and Albert Pujols the Phillies would be the best team in baseball.
Stay tuned for our next pointless installment when we pick the playoffs.
Smoove out.