I know most of you readers think of me as a badass, steak-eating, slut-banging superhero. And, for the most part that's true. However, even I have some less than masculine traits. And I figured I'd share them with you. Now, I know this opens me up to all kinds of ridicule from the cyber-peanut gallery but well, after more than three years tapping the keys here at PIC, I could really give a fuck.
So anyway, feel free to make fun of me for the following issues, which are certainly less than cool.
I don't know how to drive a manual transmission. That's right. I never learned how to drive a stick. I used to be real embarrassed about this until I was reading an article on my Tampa Bay Buccaneers five years ago and learned that Jon Gruden can't drive a stick. And he has a Super Bowl ring! So anyway, I can't drive a stick and you can fuck off.
I often drink fermented apple cider. That's right, you read that correctly. You know that stuff that high school chicks drink because it tastes like apple juice and gets them wasted? Yeah, well it's one of my favorites. And I'm not ashamed to admit, nor am I ashamed of it. So there.
I never played football. Not once. Mom wouldn't let me. Said it was a dangerous sport and that my body would never be the same if I played organized football. So you know that game I immerse myself in every damn fall/winter weekend? The game I can't stop watching, writing and thinking about? I've never played it. Not even once. Kinda sucks but I'll live. And without serious ligament damage, hopefully.
I'm a blogger (you probably knew that). Try using that line to get laid.
I hope we're able to get through this together. And I hope you do understand that I am a fucking awesome human being. But even the coolest motherfucker has a little lame in him. And there's no reason to be ashamed of that.
Unless you're on of those role playing game freaks. I mean really guys, get lives.