Britney Spears Correspondence

Dear Britney Spears,

Thank you for contacting us. We heard about the recent court ruling forcing you to turn your children over to Kevin Federline, and our hearts and sympathy go out to you. Whatever mistakes you may have made in the past, we realize that this is a difficult time for you, and we applaud the fact that you're reaching out to us to get help. As parenting coaches, we're here to help you learn the skills and methods necessary for raising children. In addition to our coaching sessions, feel free to ask us anything that you feel you might need to know. We know you want your children back, Britney, and though this situation may seem embarassing or insurmountable, remember that we're only here to help.

All the best,

Parenting Without Conflict Coaching Team

Dear Britney,

In response to your questions:

1. The diaper goes on first, then the pants. It is similar to the way underpants work for adults. I can understand the confusion.

2. You are correct, a glass of Cristal will get a baby far more drunk than an adult. However, it's important to remember that a baby should never be allowed drink liquor, no matter how “cute” it is. Do not be embarassed. This is a mistake that any young mother could make.

3. It is unwise to leave a two year old in charge of a one year old, even if the older child is “smart and stuff.” I suggest you hire a babysitter or sit this particular movie out. Good Luck Chuck will be out on video soon enough.

4. The nipple goes in the baby's mouth; the flat part stays outside. I agree, it is infuriating that pacifier companies put such vague instructions on the packaging.

5. In the Zone was okay. That is all I am going to say about this.

6. See #5

7. See #5

8. See #5

9. Babies should not be taught dance steps. This is not responsible parenting.

10. The entire course takes ten weeks, but sometimes more sessions are required. I would make time to spend a solid fifteen to twenty weeks improving your parenting, learning necessary skills, and improving communication with Federline before you're “done with this [crap].”

11. A bra is, in fact, required for our sessions. In general, wearing a bra is always good advice to keep in mind.

It's obvious that you're invested in becoming a better parent. I look forward to our sessions.

Sincerely,

Parenting Without Conflict Coaching Team