Dear Mrs. Chello,
On April 3rd, 2006, I had just gotten home from a 3 hour walk when I overheard some news in my house that I think you should know about.
I was in my bedroom alone performing some magic when my twin brother and a few of his neighboring friends came into the house. They proceeded into my brother's bedroom which is directly across the hall from mine. They were unusually quiet and once in the room, I could hear only soft tones being spoken.
I could feel something was seriously up.
Curious and slightly worried, I stuck my ear up against his closed door and over heard the following information…
– There seems to have been a bet made.
– The bet involves having sexual intercourse with you.
I am assuming the winner is the first one to get you into bed? Disgusting!
I also heard several of them suggest ways of getting into your house and meeting you. One suggested approaching yourself and your husband and offering his babysitting services to you as they noticed you have a 7 year old son. Notable as well, one suggested just approaching you and “doing you on the front lawn.” Although they all did break into laughter after that, assuming that was a joke (i'm not sure), I just thought you should know, just in case.
Also, I overheard the word “melf” or “miff” being used many times. It sounds like that could be some sort of code name for you. I don't know.
Unfortunately, I cannot release the names of my brother and his friends. As I am totally not sure if they are playing around or not and I don't want to give them a bad name already. But you now have enough information to be aware of this potential situation if it arises.
As for myself, I would not like to reveal my name just yet. I have been thinking about it and convinced my mother to throw a block party. Your family will be invited. I will come up to you only then and introduce myself as “Sherry”. Sherry is not my real name. I will tell you my real name on one condition…
That if my brother and his friends “bet” is real and they begin their attempt to sleep with you; I am assuming you find this disgusting, as I do, and therefore assume you will not be sleeping with them but if you are “wild in nature” and play along with their sick game, please do NOT sleep with my brother's friend who has the shaved head.
He doesn't realize it yet, but him and I are soulmates.
So only after this whole thing blows over and I find out you did not sleep with him, then I will tell you my real name.
Sincerely,
“Sherry”.
P.S. Oh, forgot to mention…welcome to the neighborhood!