Do You Know This Guy?

dudesy these are my rules first of all you don't get to just sit on my couch you have to ask first i can't just have people sitting on my couch without asking it would be pure chaos in my loft if i just let everybody sit where they wanted you have to sit in your designed seat and i've already taken the time to draw a map of the correct seating for each person who comes over to chill with me so look here you are on the couch you may sit there dudesy oh and is that red wine? don't you dare spill a drop of that on this couch i've had it for like 10 years and i plan on making it another ten i don't care if you already see stains on it those are my stains and it's my couch so i can make stains on it as you see here that i already have dudesy and no you can't suggest music because it's my loft and in my loft we listen to limp bizkit don't you remember limp bizkit isn't it funny to listen to things that arent' good? no? well you aren't any fun dudesy you just don't know how to relax sit there and listen to limp bizkit dudesy did you bring beer i bought a case like last tuesday dudesy i don't care if you didn't drink it that doesn't mean you can't front a little dudesy you need to chill out dudesy or you're leaving the loft and some hot girls are coming over i met at my bio class last week yeah both have boyfriends but they're both under like 180 pounds and just like really hot dudesy this is gonna be great! oh you wanna play beer pong? ok let's play! did you just bounce? there is no bouncing in my loft dudesy you know that you better take your shirt off no i'm not gay that's ridiculous if anybody is gay it's you because because well whatever you shouldn't be sleeping with so many girls dudesy it'll make your dick swell up i like being in a relationship myself but i can't seem to find a good girls who aren't completely anal retentive or insane you know? like that last one i had here like last august she was really crazy like she wanted to suck my dick on the 8th date and i was like WHOA SWEETIE! hey can you put a coaster under that beer i know its a beer pong table but i glossed it over last week and if it gets a ring on it i'll have to do it again where is that bag of chips you just had did you throw it in the wrong recycling bin? god you are dirty didn't you ever learn about recycling and how it helps the environment? are you crazy well anyways the girls are going to be here soon so we really should put on some cologne you know both the same so we both smell nice dudesy i keep telling you not to sit there what is your problem? do you not know that this is my loft that i pay the rent here? dudesy i once benched 200 pounds with my face beat that! oh well 300 pounds on a good day yeah i could do that because i don't ever want people to up me in a conversation i get lonely about everything because if you aren't paying attention to me dudesy i will vomit up my heart and die but here look i found a beer in the fridge you can have it thanks for listening now where are those girls they promised they'd be here an hour ago oh well i guess you and i could watch a movie together how about something with david arquette isn't he funny? i think he is i don't care what you think this is my loft and we'll watch the movie i select of else you can just leave because this is my loft and in my loft dudesy my rules are what make things run smoothly which reminds me you didn't take you shoes off and why are you like wearing your jacket why don't you stay awhile it's not cold in here i keep this loft to like exactly 70 degrees dudesy where are you going dudesy this loft is too quiet when i'm alone oh my god i can't believe he like left this bag of chips here what a slob dudesy get back here i want you to clean up this mess!