Last Sunday I turned 20, and although some would classify it as a birthday that is ignored and forgotten, I'd have to disagree. Mainly because the majority of my birthdays have been forgotten. But also because if you haven't noticed, Twenty-teen is not a word. I'm no longer a teenager.
If you had asked me a few years back if I was ready to grow up, I would have said “Hell, NO, I'm having the time of my life… Yea okay, that's a lie, let's get me nice and old already.” But now that I am older, I naturally wish I could go back take my ebeneezer scrooge self and ask him why he's such a fucking loser, re-tweak some things in my life, and probably catch myself wanking it… Just because that'd be pretty funny. The look on my face. Oh man.
Now everyone loves to toss out that beautiful line. “I have no regrets in my life, I love what I've done” And they should. Being preoccupied with the past is very immobilizing. C'mon now, only Doc Brown from Back to the Future actually believes that, and even he read Marty's letter. So Now that my Teen years are gone, here's what I now miss, regret, or lament.
Teenage Dirtbag- This song by Wheatus is one of my faves. Something about it is just perfectly whiny. I really identified with this song when it came out. Even today I love how perfect it is, very self-aware, doesn't take itself TOO seriously. But the other day I played it on my iPod, and a wave of nostalgia hit me, realizing that I could no longer sing the lyrics without it being a lie. I'll probably still be belting them out when I'm 35, but something tells me I'm going to have to grow up and accept the fact that I was awkward.
Being a Pervert- Now we've all seen men retain their perversion well past middle age, and I no doubt will do the same. The difference is nobody really finds it that cute by that point. Being a horny teen was something of badge of honor back in the day. In middle school I was gleefully delighted when a girl would slap me. Naturally you can assume I didn't get much play. Girls just weren't ready for such frank and open dirty talk. Now in college, I find more and more truth to the belief that girls are nastier than guys, they've come out of their shell. So whereas I used to and still do have trouble with the opposite sex, only in my teen years was there a scapegoat to put the blame on. Somewhere in between not having girls and not having girls, the reason changed.
Driving- Having a car used to be fun in itself. Merely being able to drive was a thrill. When the group of friends I was only half involved with would drive around the neighborhoods at late hours, I got jealous if they didn't invite me. I was mad because I couldn't go DRIVING! DRIVING PEOPLE! Now I hate driving. Traffic, gas, directions, parking… all responsibilities that I don't want to deal with. I wish I could just hover rapidly wherever I wanted to go. But back in the day, driving was this shit. I don't think i'll get so excited about something so mundane ever again.
Studying Together- My GPA was outstanding in high school, but my Girl Point Average wasn't too hot. This is probably because I studied alone, undistracted. Never did I work on my chemistry while working on my chemistry. Never been distracted from focusing on anatomy because of a partner's exposed anatomy. I have never missed a math problem, because I couldn't stop thinking about multiplying. One of these days, I want to be reviewing for an exam with a girl from class. Suddenly the glasses are pulled off, and eyes meet. Long story short, I get an F on the test because I F'ed the girl the night before. Heck I'll even take just some soft necking. For greatest effect, my mom would yell up occasionally to see if we needed any Capri Sun.