If the female trend of wearing Uggs and other ugly boots during great weather has taught me one thing, it is the following: I don't give two shits what women wear on their feet. High heeled shoes, boots, blocks of cheese?whatever you chicks want to do is fine by me. Just as long as slutty shirts, shorts and skirts never go out of style, I'm fine. Seriously, wear all the Uggs you want; you won't hear a complaint from me.
Speaking of which, I've never completely understood guys who get into female fashion. It seems like guys are getting more and more informed about female fashion when really, only four rules should apply for men to be satisfied with female attire. To abide by these four rules, women should:
1. Dress as sluttily as possible.
2. Remove as much body hair as possible.
3. Not wear too much make-up.
4. Not wear 80s style big hair.
I mean really, it's hard for me to give a damn about anything else women do fashion-wise.
I have two good friends, Ben (from college) and Ryan (from high school), both of whom consistently help their girls pick outfits and also chime in on fashion-related subjects. All the rest of my male friends could give two shits. That means that there are a significant amount of men out there who are fine with cotton shorts and halter tops. And yet women try so hard to look fashionable. This leads me to believe that women get dressed up for one of two reasons: either to impress each other, or to impress Ryan and Ben.
Ahh, I'm gonna go with door number one, Bob.
At any rate, I just want to offer the following piece of advice to all women who think that their attire on any given day can actually influence the type of man they hook up with: give it up.
Regardless of what you wear, we're picturing you naked.
So you may as well just make that easier for us by wearing as little as possible.
And for those of you smoking hot chicks who live up north and don't want to risk frostbite, I offer you the following piece of advice: move to Florida.
I'm Nathan DeGraaf and you've just read every thing I know about female fashion.