Jack sat across the restaurant table from his date Judy, watching her play with her phone.
“That annoys me,” he said.
“What?” she asked not because she wanted to know what annoyed him, but because she had not heard him.
“This is our first date and you're spending the entire time staring into your phone.”
Judy put down her phone, an iPhone 5 and looked over at Jack, then she sighed demonstratively.
“Look,” she said. “The fact of the matter is that you're not that interesting. As far as I can tell the conversation topics we've addressed so far are me and your work. I know all about me and I don't care about your job. My phone is interesting. Inside this phone are more distractions and sources of entertainment than one person could ever need. And as far as this date goes, maybe after this meal we have coffee, and then maybe we go home together, maybe we even fuck. I mean, you're hot. I would fuck you. But then what happens? Maybe we go out on a few more dates, maybe we get to know each other and maybe you don't bore the shit out of me right away. Either way, eventually we'll run out of things to talk about and we'll go out on dates where both of us just sit and stare at our phones after muttering pleasantries about our boring days. If that's where we're headed we may as well get there right away.”
“Wow,” said Jack.
Jack reached into his pocket, brought out his phone and texted his buddy Jerry.
The text read:
This chick is totally DTF dude.
Judy then added, “Have you seen this video of the penguin roller skating?”
“No,” said Jack, who then spent the next five minutes staring at his phone and laughing at captive penguin roller skating in a public park.
“What a time to be alive,” he said aloud.
“Whatever,” said Judy. “Here comes the food.”