Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, or Seven Four (as Michael Moore calls it). I'm a huge fan of the Fourth, not only because it's America's birthday, but because I have an unhealthy love of stuff that blows up, fireworks, barbecue, fire in general, beer and warm days. A few years ago, back when blogs first became available to the PIC writers, I busted out my list of favorite Fourth of July moments. You can go to it here, because, quite frankly, I haven't added much to in the last few years. As I age and mature, I've learned that getting wasted over the holidays is a bad idea. I usually lose friends, get fined and scar myself when I combine drinking holidays with drinking. And make no mistake, our country's birthday is a drinking holiday. You could ask our founding fathers if you don't believe me, but they all died because human lives have things called spans. What can you do?
So, because I've pretty much shot my wad describing my experiences on our country's birthday, I figured that I'd let a reader named Brian steal the show. He wrote in with the following.
Hey Nate, er Nathan. I guess it doesn't matter. I read your shit on PIC all the time and I think your writing is good. But I didn't just email you to kiss your ass. I have a problem that I think you could help me with.
I'm twenty-five years old and I am absolutely in love with a sixteen year old girl. She's more than just smoking hot. She's also really smart and funny. We've been having sex and I'm cool with her parents, who are aware of the nature of our relationship (i.e. that we are fucking), but my friends have some serious problem with me. Ever since I started dating this chick, my friends have been giving me the cold shoulder, treating me like I'm the scum of the Earth. They even staged some kind of pseudo intervention. Some of them, like my buddy Jim, are cool enough to say that even if they don't like my relationship, they still like me, whereas others, like my friend Rachel, say that they will have nothing to do with me until I drop the “high-schooler” (as they call her).
I'm writing this to you because you once wrote a column about how you wish the age of consent was sixteen (it was funny, but I could not tell if it was your real opinion or just written for comedy's sake).
Anyway, keep up the writing and let me know what you think.
?Brian.
Now, I wrote this dude back and told him that age was just a number and good luck with his friends, but I didn't have much more to say than that. I'm not an advice columnist and I don't think Brian was seeking my approval, but he said I could post this up (I told him that y'all are pretty smart). So if any of y'all feel like helping him, I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
And no matter what happens, I hope every one of you has an awesome Fourth of July.
Even if you live in Ireland and this is just like, another weekday for you.