Before I earned a job as a university professor, I worked as a poet. Actually, I worked as a bouncer, but I wrote poetry on the side. Actually, I didn't. But sometimes, I would think of words that sounded funny when they rhymed. Like "super pooper scooper." And that, my friends, is poetry.
Every now and then, I'll write a song. I don't sing and don't play an instrument, because I have no musical talents whatsoever. But, here's one of my songs anyway. It's called, "Get me off of this bus." I hope you like it.
Hey driver, hey driver,
Can you speed up time and space?
Can you get me out of this place?
Because, because, be-cu-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
With porn on my laptop,
Or maybe with your mom.
Because, because, be-cuh-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on, with a girl or two grr-urls.
Or maybe a good book.
Hey driver, hey driver,
Should I buy a car or invest the money I save on gas?
Maybe a used sedan or one of those 401Ks?
Get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Because, because, be-cu-uz
I really think there should be some kind of reward for riding the bus!
I guess I do a lot of reading, that's a plus.
Even so, even so, even so-oh-ohhh
Get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on with some stocks or bonds or other stuff I don't get.
Hey driver, hey driver,
We're all in a hurry.
But when you take turns like that.
It makes everyone mixed up like a McDonald's Flurry.
And I really don't care to touch any of these people.
Except that cute girl with the purple shirt.
I like her eyes and her boobs.
If she broke my heart, it'd be worth the hurt.
Get me off this bus, so maybe we can get it on.
Hey driver, hey driver,
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Whether it's skating or ‘bating.
Video games or semi-classy dames.
Because, because, be-cuh-uz
I really fucking hate being on a bus.
So get me off of this bus, so I can get it on.
Get it on, with a girl or two grr-urls.
Or maybe a good book.
Just get me off of this bus, so I can get it onnnnnn!
(There you go, what did you think? Genius, right?)