(Repping KC Style—whatever that means)
Three years ago I received one of the most exciting emails of my life: some hot bisexual chick with huge knockers recognized me from my screenname and decided to chat me up. Also, coincidentally, Court Sullivan "hired" me on at PIC as a columnist and blogger extraordinaire. While the bubbly bimbo just cleaned out my life savings after I gave her my bank account info, Court, PIC and I started a pretty darn good relationship.
Actually, if we're talking about relationships, this has easily been the healthiest and most productive coupling of my life. PIC and I enjoyed growing up, moving around, and all kinds of stuff. Since the brunt of my writing appears on this website, Points in Case is almost like a personal diary through my life.
Here's a little view:
I started writing boner jokes for this site as I sat dead bored in my cubicle at an awful assistant editor and reporting job in New York City (one of my many hometowns). Here is when I started my world famous "My Organs And I" series, and a few other things like "11 Awesome Things About Being a Bouncer." Fellow PICers Paul Frank, Xavier Holland and I did some serious drinking a few nights in the City That Never Sleeps. And, of course, I drank a lot there by myself too.
A interesting turn of accidental events happened and I almost died a few times in Minnesota and North Dakota (two of my other homestates). PIC was right there with me. Court actually phoned me in my hospital, even though it's anybody's guess to who was under the influence of harder drugs during that conversation. Some really impressive writing happened as I recovered from my injuries, and then my shitty editorial job laid me off, so I moved back to Brooklyn and learned how to live in NYC without a job.
After about a year, I moved back to Colorado (yet another one of the few states I call home). I slummed it as a reporter, than really slummed it as a bartender and bouncer again. Since I didn't really have shit to do, I wrote a lot of hilarious columns about smoking pot and accidentally banging girls with boyfriends—because that's what I ended up doing with all my free time.
Soon another many months passed, being labeled the "other guy" and a "stoner" didn't suit me, so I went through my sort-of mid-life crisis and looked for something meaningful to do.
So I became an English teacher in Korea, which is where I sit now. Now I write about how my students make fun of my gigantic white people eyes, monkey hair, and inability to finish calculus problems a Korean third grader does for fun.
Throughout my time at PIC, I've made a lot of neat friends, written many of my favorite things, and made at least four people laugh (including myself). Sure, a few of the other writers and readers and I tussled verbally a handful of times. I've also been called fat, worthless, stupid, impotent, and other words, but which one of you doesn't have complete strangers insulting you on the regular?
I can still honestly say, I appreciate every email, comment, and Facebook friend request from a complete stranger (fan) I receive. I especially enjoy packages, postcards, and presents. A few kind females emailed photos of their breasts for another story I wrote about boobs, which is always nice.
But wow. Three years! That's a long time. The question nobody is asking is "Will you do three more years?" The short and definite answer is "No."
You read that correctly.
I'm making this my semi-official, more-than-halfway-serious retirement announcement. It's not that I don't care and adore Fearless Court Sullivan, you fans, and other PIC writers, it's just that I'm putting a timeline on myself to do some other writing that may actually earn me money. Because if I don't do it now, when will I?
For starters, I'm not "retiring" now, but sometime in the next year or so. What am I going to write? Who's going to inform you about weird Korean stuff and how my penis thinks? Those are all questions for another time, because it's almost midnight, which is my new bedtime.
I just want to say the past three years (and however longer I stay on board) allowed me to meet some amazing folks, experience some experienciable experiences, and produce some of my finest work. I'll always cherish my time and work and friends here. I'll never forget where I "started" and I couldn't ask for a better spot to spread my jokes, cheer and thoughts.
And who knows, maybe I'll just pull a "Brett Favre" and un-retire fairly soon. Either or, I know PIC will always be in good hands with Court and his stable of fantastic writers.
Until then and always…
You're the best!
kc
P.S. Seriously, I'm not quitting yet. But eventually. Maybe. I don't know.
P.S.S. Seriously, I still like you guys. Just busy and looking to pass on the torch.