On Thursday, August 18th, I will be flying to the town in which I was raised, St. Louis, Missouri, to see my Niece on her sixth birthday and meet Austin Glen, my new nephew.
I have mixed emotions about this trip. I love my family, but I really hate St. Louis—it’s one of my least favorite cities on planet earth. Growing up, I thought everyone hated it, but as Points in Case columnist Mike Forest pointed out before his untimely death, most people who live there really love it. So, because I’ve been pumping myself for this trip, I figured I’d list a few of the things I love about St. Louis. Here’s a list of my top five favorite things about St. Louis (besides friends and family) with descriptions. Please be advised, this will probably be followed by a piece outlining my five least favorite things about St. Louis.
Imo’s Pizza
You see, this is how lame St. Louis is. My fifth favorite thing about the damn town is a wafer thin pizza covered with three different kinds of cheese. It burns the roof of your mouth and you taste it for weeks after you eat it, but it’s good. Just trust me.
Lion’s Choice Roast Beef
Lion’s Choice is a fast-food restaurant that specializes in Roast Beef sandwiches. After you eat one for the first time, you will ask yourself the following question: Why would Arby’s even open up in this town? Answer: There’s usually a long line at the Lion’s Choice and Arby’s gets the residual business.
Schlafly’s Beer
Try the pale ale. Try the lager. Try the IPA. Try the wheat beer. If the world was perfect and people really took pride in what they put in their systems, St. Louis would be known for Schlafly’s and Anheuser Busch would be known as crap.
The East Side
Missouri has some strict laws when it comes to nudity and alcohol. Illinois does not. So, after the bars close at 2 or 3 in downtown, weary travelers cross the river and hit up some of the finest strip clubs in North America. I’m addressing this further on PIC (though I probably won’t name any particular clubs). For those of you who may roll through this area, the town to go to is Sauget, the clubs to hit are Diamond’s Cabaret and PT’s Sports Cabaret. You may thank me later.
The St. Louis Cardinals
I defy you to live in St. Louis more than one year and not become a diehard Cardinal’s fan. The town sucks you in. I moved there as a child, and it took all of about three innings of baseball before I was diehard.
So, on my trip you can bet dollars to donuts that I’ll be drinking some Schlafly’s, hitting the East Side and going to see my last Cardinal game in Busch Stadium (they’re tearing it down). I probably won’t hit the Imo’s or Lion’s Choice, but that’s only because none of that food compares to my step-dad’s, dad’s and brother-in-law’s barbecue.
Like I said, the town ain’t all that great.
But the people are some of the best in America.