Dear Single Population,
I have a few ideas to make the horrible experience that is dating a smidge less stressful. The first idea being “Let’s tell each other truth” (don’t laugh so loud, I’m being serious).
If you tell me the truth, I will be truthful with you. Think about it.
Instead of you saying “You look very pretty”, you would say something more along the lines of “I’m really glad you wore a short skirt because I have been wondering what your legs looked like,” or “I’m trying to be nice to impress your roommate/friend/cousin.” Of course I would return with a “Thank you” or “My roommate/friend/cousin really likes Care Bears, The Hills, Food Network, and anything that is extremely girly. Really you don’t have to be nice, just polite.”
Think of how much time we would save if we just flat out told each other the truth. Do you know how many bad hair cuts are repeated because some guy or girl was trying to be nice (one reason why mullets came to be)? I’m not saying be all out mean, but for the love of God, don’t say you’re into anime just to get some pussy. It’s not worth it. It’s never worth it. It’s like saying “I really love equestrianism” when you know nothing about riding horses. You're going to get bucked off.
Another time saving idea is a note sheet. Just a 3” by 5” card with all the silly details people will ask you about that person you’re dating that you don’t really care about, like their last name, their job, or their favorite sports team or “reality” show. This way, you can by pass all the stupid questions that you will forget the answer to five minutes after you asked. Now you can spend your time talking about what really matters (because it’s all about sex).
Speaking of sex; we really don’t need to know the details of each other’s history. Let’s keep it simple. Stick with any major points, like if you’re more into one night stands or monogamy, any STDs, and the crazy fetishes you really like. Let’s keep it simpler than that. Let’s go with “Am I going to get sick from this ride?” and “What’s your kink?” You won’t be stuck with someone who doesn’t appreciate the extra attention to their feet, and I won’t have to see a “special” costume. Doesn’t that give us all benefits?
I almost hope that someone takes this seriously,
Roxy
A/N: You should always use protection and discuss crap like that before sexing each other up. Unless you want babies and AIDS, then go on and plow through.