As I mentioned last week, I am killing the observations and replacing them with a weekly award gimmick that I creatively titled, The Nate Way Week in Awards. Basically, what I do here is look at last week's events (both in my life and in the news) and hand out weekly awards as I see fit. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this, but you're used to that by now.
Here come the awards.
Murder/Suicide of the Week.
Eighteen-year-old Pekka-Eric Auvinen rampaged through his high school Wednesday, killing six of his fellow students and two members of staff before turning his .22 caliber pistol on himself.
Now that's a murder/suicide. Homeboy killed eight people before offing himself. I always say, if you're gonna go to hell, go all the way. I mean, it's pretty much the same hell no matter what you do, unless you believe that Dante fuck. But don't. He was just a poet, and the poets lie too much (Nietzsche told me that so it has to be true).
Awesome Teacher of the Week
This week's awesome teacher of the week is the hefty Ms. Kelsey Peterson who, knowing that Mexicans do love them some jiggly flesh, and not wanting to violate US laws on US soil, took a thirteen year old student over the border to Mexico and loved him like a man should be loved. Ms. Peterson is 25 years old, and could be cute you know, if she mixed in a salad and took a few minutes on a treadmill every other day or so.
Healthy Food of the Week
This week's healthy food of the week is boneless, skinless chicken breasts. I have eaten roughly 250 of these in the last six weeks and I got to say, they do taste like whatever sauce I put on them and can be quite juicy if cooked right. Of course, I'm not allowed butter or salt so I can't really cook them right but whatever. They win. Health food sucks. Life goes on and all that.
Comment of the Week
From He is the Lamb: “If this article keeps providing pictures of hot teachers who've slobbed on knobs, then I'm all for it… otherwise, bring back observations!”
Observations may not be back for a little while. I'm having fun with this weekly awards option.
Random Slut of the Week
This weekly award goes to a girl I met Thursday night who recognized that I was slightly out of her league and jumped on the opportunity to go to my place after I asked her point-blank if she wanted to fuck. I'll call her Sheila for the purpose of this post, but the truth is? I'll never call her.
Football Moment of the Week
Watching Peyton Manning shit the bed against San Diego was so much fun, I think I pulled a muscle from laughing. So yeah, I'll go with that.
Think you've got what it takes to suggest a weekly award? Well then, you probably know how to read and write in the English language. And I say good for you. Those are the kind of readers America needs: ones who can read.
Labels: awards