I just exercised my most boring right as an American: the right to vote. Today is the Wisconsin primary and I showed up to the polling place excited physically but not mentally. By that I mean I had a hard-on.

Being able to write in your own candidate is a tempting little choice. I never really understood it, though. I mean, sure, it's democratic, but is it realistic that a majority of voters are all going to skip over all the candidates and write the same person down in the blank? And would that person then be forced to run? I think in the Presidential election this year, everyone should write in some 45-year-old guy from Nebraska. But then we'd be stuck with Larry the Cable Guy for President. Boom. I just thought of Larry the Cable Guy's next movie.

I wonder if anyone wrote in George W. Bush for four more years…

I'm gonna pull a ‘my mom' here and not tell you who I voted for. But I'll give you a hint. He was a certain black candidate who shall go unnamed.

Okay, fine. It was Alan Keyes.

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