This morning, I awoke after a night of being with no one. Just me, a few phone calls and a Cardinals butt kicking of the Cincinnati Reds (dudes got drubbed). Anyway, while I was sleeping, someone's jealous ex-boyfriend left the following message on my voice mail:
“You're on my list, motherfucker.”
Aww, isn't that sweet? He makes lists. Kind of like a housewife.
So anyway, if I ever get killed by some emotional wastebasket who leaves messages on the voicemails of the people he plans on hurting (real bright, by the way), I want you all to know that his name is Jeff, and he's the type of guy who keys cars. I'm really afraid.
Now, some of you may be wondering what I did to deserve this. Some of you obviously don't read me very much. But, what I want to know is how the guy got my phone number. I mean, why would a girl let an ex-boyfriend (or current boyfriend or whatever the hell he is?honestly, I don't know) have my number? Did he steal it from her phone? Is someone following me? I've never had a stalker before. This could be fun.
And hey, if he messes me up, at least I'll have something else to write about.
When someone is polite enough to put you on a list, what's the proper way to react? I don't really know the guy, so all I've done is leave him a return message thanking him for putting me on his special, little list and making fun of his feeble attempt to scare me. I think I even used the term “amateur hour.” But that was it. I don't think this is the kind of thing that warrants personal attention, but like I said, I ain't never been on someone's list before. I hope he leaves me his address so I can send him a fruit basket.
I asked my boss what to do about this and he told me to call the police. Old people crack me up.
Now, I just want everyone to know that there may be some drama in the comment boxes, here. With the exception of my ex-girlfriend, Amy, I have been very fortunate that no one I know in Tampa bothers to read this blog. Well, that has changed. I'm pretty sure there is more than one girl I know now reading this, and Stalker Boy might be coming here as well. All I can say is, to everyone who reads The Nate Way: this work is all fiction.
Seriously, even Stalker Boy Jeff is the product of an imagination. And a poor one at that.
Oh yeah, and read the next entry and support the Haitian kids. Or don't. Totally your call and all that.