If Irony were a rock group, it's symbol would probably be “Fe.” Jay kay, that's an elementary joke.
Today we're here to talk about ironic events that have taken place in the last month of my life.
1. Guest using red cups at my apartment (assumably to avoid using real dishes) and then placing them in my sink when they're done. Look, if I were to start washing all the red cups as well as my glassware, nothing would change in terms of effort. By the way, I have a dishwasher–putting your dirty glass in there involves about as much effort as rinsing out a red cup and placing it in the trash. Why are people so hesitant to use dishwashers?
2. People calling me and then immediately asking if they can call back. This conveys any or all of the following to me: you didn't mean to call me in the first place but won't admit it; you forgot that the sound of my voice disgusts you; you enjoy using num pads; you have stage 1 Alzheimer's disease (probably from cell phone radiation); your idea of daily exercise is futility.
3. Waffle House running out of batter. Listen, one more strike and I'm out (remember that time you got mad at me for repeatedly turning up the hidden volume control on the jukebox?).
4. Setting my watch ahead 5 hours while flying to London, only to have the plane turn around and go home because one mother wanted to teach her kid a lesson for crying on a plane. I hate changing the time on my watch because I keep it 5 minutes fast and I'm afraid in the time it takes to turn the hands, it might suddenly become either 4 or 6 minutes fast. Which would really tick me off.