In case you missed it, PIC legend, Justin Rebello and I have been exchanging e-mails about the MLB post season in an effort to… okay, so we really have no goal here. The following is the last three days of our e-mailing.
To read the first few, follow this link to Justin’s blog. Justin is in Vegas for the weekend so I’m posting this up here.
From Justin Rebello; October 5, 2005
Wow, so OK. We badly need to be more timely on publishing these emails. There's shit up there about last Friday's Yankee game with no explanation. Whatever, half of our readers are drunk, high, dead or dying. Screw em, I say.
I guess I'm answering my own questions since you didn't pose me any, so away we go.
1. I'd be pissed off if any of the Yankees win, because that means they won the World Series, which I sadly believe will happen. The AL is lousy, and the Padres are going to beat the Cardinals, so the NL won't offer much of a challenge. I'd probably be angriest about Matsui winning it. I can't begin to describe how much I hate him, mostly for claiming he'd play in America but only for the Yankees. That utterly infuriates me; it's like Fox's decision to televise Yankees games over Red Sox games, because of the history of the Yankees. Right. The Red Sox have no history, and the White Sox are only trying to bust up an 88-year drought. Then again, no FOX means no having to listen to Buck and McCarver, so I guess I have no point.
Speaking of Buck and McCarver, what are the odds of them showing up to Game 2 wearing Robinson Cano jerseys? I'd say 2:1.
2. My award would be Biggest Fantasy Threat. Michael Young deserves his due.
3. Ok, here are my songs.
San Diego – “Learning to Fly”, one of those miracle anthems for miracle teams. By the way, after last night's basting of Peavy, I'm only more convinced the Pads will win this series. I see them getting blown out of the tank in Game 2 as well, then winning 3 and 4 in those “What the hell just happened?” type games, then beating the Cards in Game 5 when LaRussa goes crazy and has David Eckstein on the mound pitching to lefties.
Atlanta Braves – “Kids of America”. I love this Braves team. Well coached, solid bats, solid pitching, bunch of young guns everyone loves. Granted, Francoeur is set to be taken about six rounds too early in next year's fantasy draft (one of those moves only Braves fans and fantasy rookies make).
Houston Astros – “I Get Weak” by Belinda Carlisle. A majority of ESPN's experts picked Houston to win the World Series. WHY?! Last I checked, don't you need some semblance of offense to win? Besides, isn't Clemens notorious for screwing the pooch in big games? Everyone forgets his patented choke job in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, or that he asked out of Game 6 in 1986. Pettite in the past few years has been shaky. The only rock solid starter is Oswalt, and there's no guarantee the Astros will score runs.
St. Louis Cardinals – “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins. First, can you tell I love 80s music? Second, this seems like one of those depressing anthems fans play when their team shits all over themselves. I realize I'm the only one in America who believes the Cards are headed for a fall (even a majority of San Diego is reading this cross-eyed), but it will happen.
Just wait and see.
Anaheim Angels – “Walking Contradiction” by Green Day. Another heavily overrated squad. I love Vlad, he just won me my third fantasy baseball title. But he alone can't carry a team. Besides, when Bartolo Colon is your best pitcher, life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name…and you get the idea.
New York Yankees – I don't want to talk about this.
Boston Red Sox – Ditto.
Chicago White Sox – “Who killed tangerine?” by Tears for Fears. Just for the “It's not over” chorus. 1917! NINETEEN-SEVENTEEN! Omigod, I've become a Yankees fan. I'm going to go lick a dog's ass now.
Three Qs for you, answer em and send me three new ones.
1. Are you absolutely psyched for the NHL season?
2. Say they made a movie about the 2005 MLB season, take three characters and tell me the actors (or in Jeter's case, the actress) who would play them? Hint: Tony LaRussa almost has to be the dude from Crying Game (Stephen Rea) after Dil pulls her pants down and reveals she has junk.
3. Are you a Rams fan, too? Because I've got a whole bevy of Mike Martz jokes.
From Nathan DeGraaf; October 5, 2005
We will never do this fast enough to keep up with the post season. I have work. You have work. What can you do? Hopefully, the readers will understand how desperately we are working to keep them from working. Anyway, onto the questions.
1. Are you absolutely psyched for the NHL season?
Yes. I don't know if this year will be all that great. I believe most of the games are on the Outdoor Channel or something and I don't have it. But I love the new rules. It will make the game faster and more fun to watch. They made so many rule changes this year that hockey fans will have to talk about every hockey moment as before or after the strike year. Everyone on offense is gonna look like Gretzky this year. So yeah, I'm ready for some freaking hockey.
2. Say they made a movie about the 2005 MLB season, take three characters and tell me the actors (or in Jeter's case, the actress) who would play them?
David Eckstein has to be played by Matt Damon. Couldn't you see Damon lunging desperately for an Oscar every time someone says Eckstein is too small to be a major league shortstop. “Too small? Too small? Is this too fucking small? I got your small right here, buddy. I come to play.” Yeah, he'd milk the shit out of that underdog role.
Paul Rodriguez as Bartolo Colon. You could laugh and cry at the acting, the character, the actor, and how they look in baseball uniforms all at the same time. The movie would bomb at the box office. Video sales would be outstanding.
Jim Neighbors as Terry Francona. Couldn't you see him just muttering, “Now, now, I want you all to stop horsing around” over and over again until Manny Ramirez asks him, “You still here?” Oh yeah, that would be comedy.
3. Are you a Rams fan, too? Because I've got a whole bevy of Mike Martz jokes.
No. My football team was taken from me as a small child and I was left desperately jumping on bandwagons. I remember being like, “Is it the Chiefs this year, Dad, or the Vikings?” And Dad being like, “We'll try both this year.” Just pathetic winters, patiently waiting for playoff football. This has nothing to do with your question, I just wanted you to feel my pain.
I'm a Bucs fan. I arrived in Tampa before St. Louis got the Rams and I adopted the team. This bothers my father so much that he often completely forgets it.
Okay J-Reb, it's your blog, so I'm throwing all three of those questions back to you. I know your reeling from the White Sox pain, and gearing up for tonight's game, so I'll lay off mentioning that thumping you took. It just wouldn't be right. I only have one question to add to the list though,
4. When your team won the World Series, how did you celebrate? I want details man. That must have felt great.
From Justin Rebello; October 5, 2005
1. Duh.
2. I could see Charlie Murphy playing Gary Sheffield. Remember when Sheff got beer spilled on him by that Fenway fan and sneered right at him, same EXACT look as Charlie Murphy filming Tyrez banging the white guy's girlfriend on Black Real World. Just evil intent.
The man (woman?) who played the old lady in “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” playing Vlad. They look WAY too similiar.
3. Adam Corolla as Mike Mussina and Rizzo the Muppet playing Jorge Posada. Oh hell, let's keep this going for the yankee fans (at least those who can read): Matsui (Jackie Chan with Leukemia) Randy Johnson (Big Bird), Mariano Rivera (Penelope Cruz), Derek Jeter (Mariah Carey), Bernie Williams (Tommy Davidson).
3B: Good call. The Rams are garbage. The Bucs are pretty good, and I'm all the more impressed they have played four games without a QB. That's remarkable.
4. I actually have the lamest World Series celebration of any Red Sox fan. I was working at the Boston Globe, and immediately after the final out, I was bombarded by calls from “reporters” in the field calling in shit like: “THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT HERE!” and “EVERBODY'S REAL LOUD!” Most annoying thing ever. I stopped taking notes after awhile. By far, the worst way ever for a fan to enjoy a title. Anyway, when the game was over, I went home (at around 3:30 a.m.), I drank six Sam Adams and downloaded the game on MLB.com, watched it all, and cried. So it wasn't a total loss.
Let's get your reaction from tonight's games and three more Qs
From Nathan DeGraaf; October 6, 2005
I'm guessing the answer to number one would be yes.
Never saw “Diary of a Mad Black Woman.” I have an incomplete picture. I'll live.
Yeah, I would pick the Bucs for the NFC championship, if not for the quarterback trio of Griese, Simms and (Fucking Luke?) McNown. I hope the defense and running game do well.
That's how you celebrated your world series victory? I'm pouring my forty out on the curb for you. Wow, man. I'm sorry.
Reaction to Cardinals game is best summed up by a conversation I had with my buddy Tony, from San Diego. “I expect to see the Padres lose. Rooting for the Padres in this is like watching Wild Kingdom and expecting the gazelle to eat the lion. To which I responded, “One of the writers on that website I write for picked the Padres to win.” To which he responded, “I hope he ain't hoping to be no sports writer.” Priceless moment. Wish you were there.
I'm sending you this before the game ends, but the Astros will lose in the late innings. It'll be too bad for Clemons.
My 3 Questions:
1. So, if the Padres come back and win 3 in a row, will you compare them to the Red Sox?
2. Who, if anyone, would you bitch slap relentlessly if there were no repercussions?
3. I have already written about this in my blog, but how do you feel about ESPN.com's paginated view? I take a lot of pride in the fact that Simmons' columns are now only available in Single Page again. I know I didn't influence it, but it sucked. I wrote about it. Simmons changed it. Therefore, I called it. Anyway, your thoughts?
From Justin Rebello; October 7, 2005
My favorite part was you misspelled “Clemens.” Fine. Clemons it is.
I've never seen “Diary”, but I've seen the posters, and the similiarities between him (her?) and Vlad are staggering. Bucs as NFC champs, eh? Hmm. Again, if they had a QB, maybe. I'm still taking Philly.
I admire your restraint in not asking me about last night's Sox debacle. Couple of things: I don't blame Graff, he didn't give up a three-run homer to an Asian second basemen who sucks at hitting for power. Someone has to kill Edgar Renteria soon. I'm happy to say it's been 24 hours and I've heard only one Buckner reference in relation to the play, and that was by John Buccigross, who probably heard of Buckner watching “Fever Pitch”. A lot has changed since October 27, 2004.
1. No. The Red Sox has to win four games, including two at Yankee Stadium (which is like a segment of “Running Man” for the Red Sox), plus it was against their bitter rival, who specialized in busting our balls for 100 some-odd years. If the Padres beat the Cards, nobody's going to write a book about it.
2. I'd really like to pop Renteria. He is horrendous. There are about 24 shortstops I'd rather the Sox have right now than Rent.
3. Well, I don't read your blog (Sorry-I only read feminist literature.). So sorry if any of this overlaps what you've written. But here's what I have to say about the paginated view: What were the people at ESPN.com thinking? Was there some group of people who liked having to click as many as seven (for those Jayson Stark columns) times to read a full column? Why would anyone want to do this? Naturally, ESPN.Com wanted to cut down on bandwidth slowdown, but if they wanted to do that, they should cut Daily Quickie, Bayless, Scoop, Gene Wofhghchvfigtiski, and the Mikeand Mike cartoon. About 75% of that site is dead weight.
Ok, I'll be in Vegas til Monday so we'll continue this then. Hopefully the Sox will still be in Chicago.
Nathan DeGraaf; October 7, 2005
That's funny. My Buddy Russ is a Southie. When I saw him in the bar (I was watching the Cardinals game), I said, “sorry about your luck thus far against the White Sox.” He said, “No big deal. I still have my DVDs on last year.” He may have spent 18 years in South Boston, but seven years in Tampa have warmed his soul. He is now as laid back as the rest of us. He later complimented me for not bringing up the word “Buckner” when mentioning Graffinninninininini's error.
Interesting point on question one. I'm just wondering, when you have to admit that you were wrong about the Cardinals and Padres, will you give me some kind of detailed explanation about how you were wrong or are you gonna just gloss over it like a real sports writing professional?
As regards question 2, when we had him, he was clutch. The man came through a lot. I'm surprised he hasn't been more help to you guys (30 errors?). And to think we were gonna pay six million more per year than we pay Eckstein and Renteria turned us down.
As per three, basically I said in my blog that there is no advantage to the Single Page View. And there isn't. And I like Scoop. There ain't nothing like black rage.