This is the kind of shit that happens to me all too often:
Last night, after losing $60 playing poker, winning $50 back by proving that I actually have a column on the internet, losing $20 playing darts, and drinking enough alcohol to properly fuel a small university, I accidentally bumped into a girl and knocked the drink out of her hand. The glass shattered on the floor. Some employees cleaned it up, and I asked the girl what she had been drinking.
“A Vodka Tonic,” she said.
Because she was unattractive and dressed like your stereotypical sorority bimbette, I wasted no more time with idle chit chat, turned around and ordered her a drink. After I ordered the drink for her, she said to me, “That was so rude. I can’t believe you didn’t even offer to buy me a drink. What kind of asshole are you?”
As if on cue, the drink arrived.
“This kind,” I said. And I dropped the drink on the ground.
Now, ordinarily such behavior would get a young man removed from the bar, but because I am such a great customer, there were no repercussions. Well, almost none.
A little while later, I was chatting it up with an attractive female and she was getting very into me. There was some groping, some kissing and some rubbing. A few minutes into the meeting, she said to me, “I have to leave.”
“Wait,” I said. “What’s your number?”
“I can’t tell you. I have a boyfriend.”
“Damn, what kind of girl are you?”
“This kind,” she said, extending her middle finger.