1. I was born in New York City, at the historically young age of 0 years old.
2. I despise raisins. Not simply because they are such an awful food, but because they’re pervasively awful. Perfectly good bran flakes? Not if raisins have anything to say bout it. Delicious and healthy trail mix? Hey, can raisins get in on that? Oatmeal cookies? Mind if raisins crash here for a little while? Raisins are like that really drunk chick that shows up at a party and insists on dancing and screaming even though nobody else is doing either. Somehow, though, she keeps getting invited to more and more parties because a couple dudes like the fact that she’s sweet and goes down easy.
3. I like a little bit of most kinds of music, including but not limited to (in something approximating order of preference): Rap, rock, jazz, Classical, country, pop and electronic.
4. I know close to nothing at all about classic rock. Don’t bother asking: sorry Nick and Tyler.
5. I am, in a twist that will shock only the least racist among you, an ass man.
6. I also enjoy fried chicken.
7. And watermelon.
8. Seriously, who doesn’t like fried chicken and watermelon?
9. I don’t buy girls I don’t know drinks. And you shouldn’t either.
10. I haven’t seen any of the three original Star Wars movies. Or any episode of Star Trek. Neither fact helps me get laid on a regular basis.
11. I went to an all boys high school with a graduating class of less than 50.
12. It’s as cool as it sounds.
13. My high school “considers itself the oldest school in the United States”, but is probably actually third on that list.
14. That fact does not get me laid on a regular basis.
15. In high school I was a goalkeeper, owing to little more than the fact that I was relatively quick and was willing to be a goalkeeper.
16. Once, in an intramural basketball game freshman year, I outscored the other team, 43-42. I also took way, way more shots than everybody else on my team combined. Nobody complained.
17. Once, playing ping-pong, I managed to get a black eye. It’s even less coordinated than it sounds.
18. Neither of the above two facts gets me laid on a regular basis.
19. I love having exact change.
20. I love wearing hoodies. Full-zip, generally.
21. I have a growing collection of Chuck Taylors, which I wear most days.
22. So to recap, I often wear hoodies and Chuck Taylors. Isn’t it like I’m standing next to you?
23. I’ve never driven a car before.
24. I’ve never smoked a cigarette before.
25. I’ve never blacked out from drinking before.
26. I’ve never woken up next to somebody I didn’t recognize.
27. I clearly don’t drink enough.
28. I’m turning 21 this summer. In New York.
29. You’re invited, and I expect you to be there.
30. I might do another one of these soon. If there’s anything you want to know, well, you know how to reach me.