Mike Mort
14 Willow St.
Boston, MA
April 25th, 2006
Hugh Hefner
Playboy Mansion
California
90284
Dear Hugh,
Salutations Hugh. My name is Mike and I'm writing to you for a very important reason. You see I've never experienced love before. Or as me and my buddies like to call it oral sex! haha. I'm obviously just joking.
Except the part about love.
The other day I was flipping through the channels when I noticed I was receiving the playboy channel. If I had money I would be subscribing to this but its tough these days to make a coin. You know what I'm saying?
Well after calling my cable company I found out that your playboy channel was coming in for the weekend only. I guess you do that sort of thing once in a while as a way to promote it. Kind of like here's a free sample, but if you want anymore its going to cost you eh? You fucking tease! I'll fucking kill you! haha.
I'm obviously just joking again.
While i was watching your channel, I stumbled across a show called ‘In your backyard' or something like that? The host of the show was named Hillary. And I fell in love. And this time I'm not obviously joking around. I don't know how but I think she is my soulmate. The way she looked at me it was obvious we know each other from somewhere. My gut tells me some time during the medival times. Honestly, it wouldn't suprise me if that was true.
Anyways, the reason I am writing this letter is because I believe you have the power to bring us back together. If at all possible. Could you forward this letter to her and this second message I'm about to write? Thank you. And please don't read the following. Its for Hillary's eyes only.
Dear Hillary,
Oh my god, I've never done this before and I feel so crazy! haha. I bet you already know who this is from right? haha.
Hint: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Another hint: Have you ever felt you once lived during the medival times?
Okay, you HAVE to know who this is now….
Give up?
It's ME!!! MIKE MORT! Around the 15th century you blew me in the woods and we later had a family together!!
SURPRISE! This is sooo crazy. We have to get together! Please reply back ASAP so we can get together again. Its been WAY too long! In case you forgot what I look like, I have enclosed the only picture of me that I own. Sorry about the finger there…I was joking around with my buddy when he took it.
Obviously.
