I had been trying for months to get a table at ___(Name of Family Pet)___, the new restaurant downtown. Tonight, I only needed a table for one, because my wife, Margarette, had ___(Verb)___ me. She wasn't the best ___(Object in Room)___.
Luckily, my secretary called. She was able to get me a seat near ___(Strange Place)___. “It’s the least I could do for you,” she said. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be on that ___(Extreme Sport)___ trip on ___(Unusual Vacation Destination)___ with your wife right now instead of doing ___(Poor People Activity)___ by yourself.”
I hung up my phone and sipped from the ___(Fruity Beverage)___ I found next to a sleeping homeless man. It couldn't take the pain away, and my the flavors tasted like a ___(New Jersey Stereotype)___. I wanted to ___(Bodily Function)___, but it wouldn’t come out.
I walked up to the restaurant. It was right next to the ___(Street In Your Neighborhood)___, where all kinds of people did ___(Funny Occupation)___. I was so hungry I could have eaten a ___(Extinct Animal)___ !
As I approached the entrance, I saw my ex-wife! She was with a ___(Funny Thing)___, and it looked like they had just performed ___(Pagan Tradition)___ to each other!
Of all the nights! Honestly, if I had a/an ___(Medieval Weapon)___ I would have hit them both on the ___(Body part)___ over and over and over again! I wouldn’t stop until they ended up like ___(Name of Movie Villain)___.
Instead, I decided to find the nearest ___(Famous Monument)___ and jump off it.
If you’re reading this letter, Margarette, I hope you’re ___(Sad Emotion)___. You made me feel like ___(Female Celebrity)___, and this was the last straw. I’m going to ___(Harsh Verb)___ now.
Goodbye forever,
Patrick
P.S. Will you look after my ___(Exotic Pet)___ for me when I’m gone?