Ladies and gentlemen, I need your help.
I feel like it's high time that “the oldest profession” was covered by student work-study. That's right, I am making the foray into the hazy and prurient world of college pimping.
Pimping, probably, is the wrong word. It's what I like to call “guaranteed dating”. Surely there are some men and women among the college ranks who could use a few extra bucks. And surely there are some men and women out there who HAVE a few extra bucks. Is it really so bad to provide a service that introduces these two groups together?
And it's not like they would pay the dates directly. Rather, they would pay me as a “results-oriented wingman”. I, in turn, would pay my talent 75-90% of what I was paid, not for the sex, but rather as investment capital to ensure that they are the happiest daters they can be. A happy and well-fed date is a good one.
There would be no issue of quality, either. I would have an extensive screening process, complete with ratings and information on the talent, and they would have complete veto rights on any date that I set up. There would be great leeway to set their own rates (within reason), flexible hours, and the kind of friendly, professional courtesy that I bring to everything.
There are kinks, of course (and not the good kind). Firstly, sex isn't exactly low supply on college campuses, which will, of course affect demand. Hopefully, this can be used to my advantage; those who aren't having it might need to be reminded of how EVERY body else is getting it. The bounty of others could highlight their poverty. It might take some convincing to get them to get over the hangup of paying, however. I could use your help in thinking of ways to convince the sexless to pony up.
The other big problem is talent recruitment. I feel like there is no shortage of people willing to get laid AND get paid, but how do I find them? I fear coming off as insulting or lascivious if I go around approaching people I don't know and asking them if they would mind being a “sure thing” for a little bling. I couldn't exactly take out an ad in a school paper; here again, your input is appreciated.
Unexpected benefit: unattractive yet skilled lovers can get the word out! No longer do they have to wear pins that say “ask me about my big penis” or take to swallowing bananas whole in the cafeteria. The “guaranteed dates” could very well lead to regular ones.
So there it is; I welcome any and all suggestions pertaining to my business model.
For Tyler:
Started at bar
linked to bar association
linked to lawyers
linked to politicians
linked to political corruption
linked to drug trafficking
linked to alcohol
I am AWESOME at this game.
P.S. Is this picture ridiculous or just RIDICULOUS brilliant and artistic? Or just kind of gay?
Labels: booze safari, easy?, pimping